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around 9 months ago i published the first actual chapter of this book. 9 months ago i talked about a boy giving me mixed signals and how i wanted to be with him. now i have broken up with him. Its been 2 months going that i've thought about this, it wasn't a split second decision i will want to take back. trust me, i've put thought into this. as i said in the previous chapter, i jumped out of one relationship and straight up dove into another. please, please, PLEASE do not do this. try not to at least. give yourself time to be yourself without someone else dictating your happiness or the way you act. and if you have doubts about being with someone, talk to them and talk to yourself. ask yourself if you see a future with them. ask if you truly want to be with them. i chose to go to my closest friends and confidants to talk to about this. i needed an outside opinion that wasn't my mom, or you know, my therapist. all three of the people i went to, in one form or another, told me to end it. now there is a lot of background i wont be sharing in this little book, but i ended up doing it. his actions got weirder near the end of our relationship and he said he bought me a $90 promise ring but never gave it to me. he lied about weird stuff to seem cooler and more experienced than he was, and it got on my nerves. he has really bad daddy issues and it got weird when he'd talk in third person during sex.
that was another thing, i stopped wanting to do anything sexually near the end of our relationship. once i realized i was never going to see him as anything more than a friend anymore thats when i chose to end it. i knew that it would be worse otherwise. oh and fun fact, he broke up with me for ANOTHER GIRL a few months ago. in the middle of our relationship. :).
Anyways i had my fair share of trauma, and i knew he had his. it was at a point where i thought, for being in a relationship for 9 months? i didnt know jack shit about him. his favorite flavor? vanilla? i dont know. favorite color? blue i think. favorite candy? sour stuff. go to show? fuck if i know. and basic stuff like favorite restaurants or takeout places. we never had deep conversation and if we did i was the one talking. not him. and i got to a point where i didnt want to talk anymore. so we didnt. i think he needs to learn to express his feelings. that was the biggest issue. also he should probably get a therapist, but i cant tell him that. or maybe i could, with a cute little note. eh whatever his sister was cooler anyways. (01/22/22)
