Our Dirty Secret -l.t. [Book II]

Chapter 27

Leticia Ray's

If only an apology could magically make everything okay again then it won't be this hard for us anymore. But Louis' apology won't undo my heartbreak and neither do my apology would undo Niall's. I couldn't let Niall ruin himself again just for me.

That is why when I felt his breath start to fan over my face, my brow knitted together before slowly withdrawing myself away from him. I lift my head as I open my eyes to see his reaction. Niall was frowning but he doesn't seem surprised.

"I am sorry... This is not right. I mean, I can't do this to you. I am not sure if I could return your feelings properly." I admitted as I let go of his arms and shyly tuck the strand of my hair behind my ear. I hope he understands. I could not make Niall feel stupid and heartbroken again just because I am confused and foolish. He doesn't deserve it. If ever, he deserves someone way better than me. The one that is sure to love him forever with no reservations.

Niall nodded and made sure to shift himself and give my personal space back. "It is okay. You don't have to worry about it." He whispered with a sad smile. He took my hand in his, caressing the back of it soothingly. "I'm here to comfort you. Not the other way around. Just promise me one thing..." He trailed off.

"What is it?" I asked, my eyes fixated on him nervously as he watches my every move intently.

"Don't do this to yourself anymore. Please. Do not let them win like this." He answered, sandwiching my hand with both of his and rubbing them against each other. I chew unto my lip as my eyes traveled to our hands. I could ever so slowly feel the warmth of his hands, and I could only wish that it is that easy.

"I'll try..." I replied meekly. It is not like I didn't even try. But everywhere I look, every time I close my eyes, Louis is the only one that flashes through my mind. I was his prisoner already, and I am not even really sure if I wanted out.

"You do not need to be skeptical. I am here as your Nialler. I am your friend more than anything. You do not need to think of this as anything else. I don't have any interior motives but make you feel better." Niall soothes me before once again brushing my tears away from my cheek. "You could cry all you want. You could curse him all day long. I'll listen. You do not have to pretend to be strong. Just let it all out."

I placed my other hand on top of his. "I couldn't curse him... He's still Louis. I-"

"Even so. I know you love him and all that. You had great times together, but you're hurt. It's valid enough to be angry. You don't have to keep on being strong. If he is an asshole then he is an asshole. Don't invalidate your feelings and bottle it in. It'll make you go crazy, Leticia. Trust me. I won't judge you. " He encourages. Right, I have to let it all out and be completely honest with what I am feeling to start and get over this. "If it'll make you feel better, your father is at work already, and I told him that I'll look after you for a while." He hums.

I just look back at Niall with a frown. I know he is trying to cheer me up, but I don't really think I also have the energy to curse Louis out loud. "He is an asshole." I repeated mournfully. "He is an asshole and I am stupid for loving him still..." I trailed off, feeling the heavy pressure within my chest yet again. All I wanted is to ball and cry all day long. Why am I like this?

Niall sighed and pulled me back to his embrace. We stayed like that for a couple more minutes until I calmed down. I wanted to apologize again but nothing left my mouth. I guess it is alright for it to end this way for now. I am still not in the right mind to say anything that would make sense anyway.

Instead of apologizing, I think it is much suitable to thank him. "Thank you, Niall. I feel a little bit better." I murmured as I slowly pull myself from him and aggressively wipe my face.