Arrangement

10 - Doubts

TW: mentions of past trauma, mentions of past abuse

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Y/N woke up with a terrible headache. It took her a while to remember where she was and why she was here. When she turned around she saw Shouta next to her. What time was it? If he was still here, it had to be really fucking early. He had to teach in the morning, didn't he? Or had he slept in? Y/N had no idea. She glanced around the room, but all she could find was Shouta's phone.

She looked over at him, seeing that he was still completely passed out. She was just checking the time, it would be fine. Y/N turned on the phone, seeing a lockscreen and the time. 5:46 am. She put the phone back and groaned. It was way too early, but her headache was killing her.

Maybe she should just get up quickly, get a small bite to eat, something to drink and a painkiller, before going back to bed. But then again... it was so nice and warm being huddled up in the covers next to Shouta... Y/N really didn't want to leave the bed while it was still so nice and comfortable. And she could spend ages looking at Shouta... it was a good distraction from her headache.

Until she remembered everything from yesterday. When she remembered him asking her about... about being only his. Y/N's first instinct was to agree wholeheartedly - she loved spending time with Shouta, she felt safe and comfortable around him, she really enjoyed his company.

But then she had forced to stop herself. Stop and think. Hadn't it started just the same way with him? That she loved spending time with him and he made her feel good about herself, even though she was so young and barely had any experience... and she had felt like he really cared about her and just wanted the best for her. And he had asked her that, too. He had asked her the same thing.

'I know we have to keep this a secret, but... I want to have you all to myself. I want you to be mine.'

That's what he had said. And Y/N had loved hearing it. She had eaten it all up right away. And then - after she had agreed to that - that was when everything started. When he got jealous for no reason. When he would make sure she barely had any time to herself anymore. When he made sure she would be isolated from her friends and her family and everyone but him.

And it had been so easy to isolate her, hadn't it? She hadn't made many friends at work, since she was so new and was still being treated like she was especially talented and hard-working. Which she wasn't, of course, but that's what he kept telling her. And she had believed and she had acted like it was all true. Why was she so fucking stupid? She would have hated herself if she had met herself back then.

What also made it easy to isolate her was her work. She was working a lot. All the time. Morning to evening. She was in the office during those times at least. She heard everyone calling her a workaholic behind her back, but she got all that praise and recognition for it... she didn't even realize that she was digging her own grave. And all that work left her exhausted. She had no time to go and see her family, she had no time to go and see friends and when she did, she would only be talking about work. It was the only thing that was still in her life.