D&D Journals [Cynde] Plague and Penitence

Day 303

I am destroyed. I can't sleep. I can't stop crying, even though my body has no tears left. I'm barely alive, and if the others have heard me sobbing, they likely think it's because of the pain, but the pain is the only thing that can distract me from what I have done.

I killed Gard. Was that even his name?! He was good. He was actually a good Goblin. He saved our lives when we had first entered the caverns. He actually risked himself to save us. He was good, and I killed him. I saw a Goblin, and I let loose my arrows. I killed him. I murdered him.

This isn't like the crisis I went through aboard the Goblin airship. I had learned, then, that not all Goblins were evil, that some might be okay. But those "decent" Goblins were still just an abstract. Gard was real, he was right there. And now...

I tried to retrieve his body, but Aria, in her bizarre arborian dragon form, moved and caused me to fall through the great swarm of vines. I landed in what must have been her stomach, and there I found the Goblin Prince! He's the reason Gard was there, he was the one who hired Gard.

I wanted to kill him so bad, I wanted to make him pay for what he did.

But I didn't get the chance.

I landed an arrow in him, but while he attacked me, one of his pyromancers landed a fireball beside me and launched me away. With the vines on fire, Aria must have cast that tidal wave spell again, because water suddenly gushed through the vines, washing the Goblins away.

I was knocked around and I'm sure many of my bones were broken. I was able to climb up and get help from the others, who pulled me into the room within the dragon's skull. There they patched me up as best they could.

And here I lie. Gard is gone. There is nothing I can do to bring him back.

This room is where I finally recognized him at first, after spotting him out in the tavern. When he snuck after Aria and the pirate captain, I thought he was going to try and kill them. But by the time I entered the private room, Aria had already begun spreading her vines throughout the dragon's enormous skeleton, and she was protected by a cocoon of greenery.

Gard did attack her, but it was because of a broken heart. He was in love with her, and he felt betrayed that she would lay with the pirate captain. We tried to reason with him, but he was inconsolable.

If only Detullio, that bloody squirrel, hadn't entered the room and begun attacking Gard for killing his friend and taking their map to the golden palace, perhaps we might have calmed him down. Perhaps Gard would still be alive.

If I hadn't heard Cora calling for me, maybe I could have stayed and helped Gard. But Cora needed me. Aria's spreading vines had thrown the tavern into chaos. The pirates were fleeing, and one of them—a ravishing woman, even as a ghost—was trying to take Cora with her. Cora was too drunk to understand what was happening, and then the Goblins attacked.

The Goblins were too much for me to handle, even with Aria's vines entangling one of them, but when I went to pull Cora back into the room with everyone else, she yanked free and called out to Benzul—who was helping get everyone out before the vines sealed the exit—to begin singing and to "get the party going again".

I couldn't just leave Cora, even with Aria yelling for me. But if it hadn't taken so long to convince Cora to come back into the room with me, perhaps I could have reasoned with Gard. Perhaps he wouldn't have been so scared when the entire building began to shake and thunderous crashes echoed outside.

If Aria hadn't shook her new dragon head, tossing everyone inside the pub like ragdolls, perhaps Gard wouldn't have fled with the other Goblins.

Who am I kidding...I can't put blame on anyone else, as much as I wish I could. He's dead because of me.

If I had reached his body sooner, perhaps I could have removed my arrows and saved him.

I should have saved him.

I shouldn't have killed him. He wasn't just another Goblin, he was different.

What have I done?

No...not just me. I and not the only one at fault here. The Goblin Prince! Gard was here because of him. He's just as much to blame. I'll kill him! If he somehow survived Aria's tidal wave, I'll find him and destroy him! And if he didn't survive...I'll find another. And another. And another.