Prologue
How do musicians put all of their feelings into a single song or album and yet leave people wondering what it all meant? I've read a lot of music books that I borrowed from the school library, and it seems that I don't understand how broad and flexible music is.
According to a television show that hosted a solo artist for a live interview, music is how he interacts himself and the rest of the world. To show that no matter how deep the wounds are, how noticeable the marks are, or how exhausting their life has been, there is still a rainbow at the end of a stormy day.
"Sabreighna! Halika nga ditong punyeta ka talaga!"
My heart raced, and I was perplexed when I heard Tiya's enraged voice, which had nearly startled the neighbourhood. I exited my room after putting the book I was reading on the bed. I racked my brain, trying to recall which one of the house chores I missed.
"Po?" I asked with my voice shaking.
"Halika dito! Peste ka, nanggigigil ako sayo! 'Wag mong hintayin na lumapit ako sayo't sinasabi ko sayo... Makakalbo kitang bata ka!" Tiya shouted. "Bilisan mo! Hindi ako natutuwa, ah!"
I wanna cry in so much fear because of Tiya's tone but I know it would only make the situation worse. She was in front of her closet that she asked me to clean and rearrange. She turned her head to me with her eyes full of anger.
She faced me and rested her hands on her waist. "Anong pinapagawa ko sayo, ha? Sumagot ka!"
I kept on fidgeting my hands to calm myself because I couldn't help but feel scared of Tiya's expression. "A-Ayusin po yung m-mga damit..."
"Ayusin." she repeated the word with gritted teeth. "Sabi ko ayusin, 'di ba? Oh, eh, bakit mas nagmukhang basurahan 'to? Ha?"
Napayuko na lang ako at umiling. Kilalang-kilala ko si Tiya. Sa oras na ibuka ko ang bibig ko para depensahan ang sarili ko, mas lalo lang akong masasaktan.
Humigop siya sa bagong sinding sigarilyo niya. "Ano ba naman kasing pumasok sa utak ni Constantino at nag asawa ng sintu-sinto?! Pati tuloy anak niya nag mana sa babaeng yon!" tinignan niya ako mula ulo hanggang ulo sabay ibinuga ang usok.
"My mom is not an imbecile..." bulong ko.
She scoffed. "Anong hindi? Tignan mo nga 'yang sarili mo. Ni hindi ka nga makapagsalita ng tagalog nang 'di nauutal, eh." she crouched to level her face with mine. "Ilang taon ka na nga ulit?"
I steered clear of her menacing gaze. "I'm turning thirteen..."
She inhaled on the cigarette she had in her mouth first before saying, "Magte-trese anyos ka na, Sabreighna. Dapat alam mong hindi ka basta-bastang mamumuhay ng mapayapa sa mundong 'to. Lahat ng bagay may kapalit. Kahit ang pagkupkop ko sa'yo, may kapalit yon."
"No, it's not. M-Mommy said that kindness is what people are good at. T-They helps other people because they want to— out of their own will." I tried to secretly step back when she chuckled lowly.
"Tama naman si Satine sa sinabi niya. But the world you're living in today is not like that anymore. Kindness is no longer a necessity. This is a selfish world, Sabreighna. And in a selfish world, the selfish succeeds." she smirked menacingly. "Kaya kung gusto mong magtagumpay, itatak mo yan sa maliit na kokote mo."
She blew cigarette smoke in my direction before turning away from me. She came to a halt in the middle of her step and looked over her shoulder at me.
"I'm always mean to you because I care for you. And I want you to learn how to be brave."
But that doesn't mean I have to be as abusive as you are, Tiya.
