Chapter 1
Later that night, I couldn't sleep. I just sat on my bed, leaning on the headboard of my bed. Looking outside; spacing out.
The memories I had together with Mommy and Daddy kept flashing in my mind. I clearly remember being the flower girl at their wedding when I was three. The way they say sweet words to each other in front of me. How they used to tease each other whilst remembering their early years as a couple.
I can't understand why in the world would they ever want to just severe ties. I mean, I have never seen them fight. Or at least, not in front of me. But what could be the reason for them to resort to such a decision?
What really happened, Dad? What's wrong, Mom?
I crouched and hugged my knees as I started to feel the hole in my heart. The cold breeze entered the room that made me tighten my arms around my legs.
I have a lot of questions, positive expectations, and worst-case scenarios inside my mind but they all end up the same; that if what Tiya Celi told me was true then I'll never see them again because they've already abandoned me here. And there's no other way to make them get back together. Even if I present myself as a reason for them to make up.
Ayoko man pero hindi ko mapigilan isipin na hinintay lang nila na maiuwi ako rito sa Pilipinas para makapag divorce sila. Na lahat nang nakita kong pagmamahal sa mga mata nila ay wala lang. That the words that they told to each other are all sweet nothings. To make me leave Europe is the reason why they convinced me that the love they had was real.
That everything was just make-believe. I couldn't accept the fact that they lied to my face if the things I thought of were right. Why would they lie? They could've just told me the truth!
Isa-isang dumausdos ang mga luha mula sa mga mata ko pababa sa mukha ko kasabay nang unti-unting paninikip ng dibdib ko. Dinampot ko ang isang unan sa tabi ko at inilagay sa ibabaw ng tuhod ko. I pushed my face against the pillow and I cried so hard without making any noise. I held on to it so tight that it served as my pain absorbent.
"Matagal nang divorce ang mga magulang mo, Sabreigna."
"Nang dumating ka dito, inasikaso na agad ni Constantino ang divorce papers nila ni Satine."
Nag eecho sa isip ko ang mga sinabi ni Tiya Celi kanina. Wala sa kahit alin man ng mga iyon ang inaasahan kong marinig sa araw na ito. Bukod sa utos at pang iinsulto sa Mommy ko, wala nang ibang lumalabas sa bibig niya. Kaya naman hindi ko matanggap ang mga sinabi niya kanina. Wala sa hinagap ng mga expectations ko ang divorce ni Mommy at Daddy.
All I did that night was cry my heart out. The feeling of being betrayed, confused, abandoned, and aloneness ate my sanity. I can't think of anything but the happy moments we shared together. Now it all felt like a very beautiful dream. That the moment I flutter my eyes open, reality will fuck the hell out of me.
Sa apat na buwang nandito ako, walang ibang bukambibig di Tiya kundi ang mga salitang kalye. Routine niya nang gumising ng alas nuebe at magtapis ng tuwalya para lumabas at makisali sa mga nagsusugal sa court o 'di naman kaya ay sa may chapel kapag may burol.
Almusal niya ang isang "putangina" na madadagdagan pa sa bawat oras na meron ang isang araw. Parang hindi makukumpleto ang bente kwatrong oras na hindi niya nasasabi ang murang iyan. Yung tipong ikaw na lang mapapagod sa bibig niya every tine na sasabihin niya yon. At maaawa ka na lang sa "putangina" dahil wala naman siyang kinalaman sa buhay niya pero...
"Sabreighna! Sabreighna!"
I exhaled forcefully and placed my TLE book on the bed. I got out of my room to find where Tiya Celi is. I found her in her room, smoking.
