Hug

Chapter 8

A couple of days later Grace got a call from Ed saying that he was going to be away for longer than he'd anticipated, and that he'd be in touch when he got back.
This she took to mean that she wouldn't be hearing from him again.

She was relieved.

She didn't receive any more poisonous emails. She abandoned her blog, but still visited the Beach Boy fan groups occasionally.

She decided to avoid Jen as much as she could at work. This turned out to be easy, as Jen herself seemed to be keeping her distance.

I've lost my friend too, thought Grace. All over a man.

One evening a few weeks later, Grace was looking at her bank account online when she noticed that one of her savings accounts was virtually empty. There had been getting on for £10k in there. There were a number of withdrawals made from various parts of the country over the last two weeks.

She rang the bank. Her account had been hacked. Unfortunately, the officious young clerk patiently told her, as she hadn't notified them immediately of the withdrawals it was unlikely that the bank would refund all the money. Investigations would be ongoing, and they would inform her of any findings. She was told to report it to the police fraud squad and get a crime reference number.

The first person she thought of was Ed. He was a software expert, and, for God's sake, she'd made it so easy for him, giving him access to her tablet. He must have wanted a bit of insurance for himself should she decide not to lend him the money. Like an idiot she'd left him on his own and gone out looking for a dog who wasn't even missing, (she was  convinced of that). Once again, she berated herself. Why had she been so stupid?

True to form, now reality had become difficult, the dreams stepped up a pace. It was as much as she could do to drag herself out of bed on work mornings, and on her days off she often didn't rise until midday. She wanted to lose herself in that perfect, safe, imaginary world with Carl, and she wasn't in any hurry to find her way out.

They were sitting on the bench, watching a rough, unfriendly sea. Waves battered the sea wall, causing spray to fly up and soak whoever was unlucky enough to be walking past at the time. The sky looked angry, a storm on its way.
She shivered and Carl hugged her, rubbing her arm to warm her.

"Ok?" He asked, a little frown line appearing between his eyes. She nodded.

"I just wish I could stay here with you all the time." Her voice trembled and she looked away so that he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes.

Carl sighed and drew her closer, brushing his lips across the top of her hair.

"I know baby, so do I - but that can't happen. Anyway, you have things you need to get straight. I can't help you with that."

"Oh, but you do help me!" she insisted, brushing the tears away and looking up into his face.
"If it wasn't for you I don't know how I'd live..."

He looked at her thoughtfully.
"But Grace...this isn't living - is it? This is running away from living."

She stared at him dumbly, shocked to hear the words which she'd told herself so often actually coming out of his mouth.

He sighed again, moving a strand of hair out of her eyes, and turned so that he was facing her, taking both her hands and clasping them tightly between his own.

Taking a deep breath, he looked intently into her eyes, speaking slowly, falteringly.

"It doesn't work, does it, this dream world you've built for yourself. What you're getting away from is still there when you wake up. Believe me, I've tried to escape from pain in my life through drugs and drink - it nearly killed me."

He lowered his head and put his lips to their clasped hands, thinking about what he was going to say next.

Grace looked at him, transfixed.
Was she making this up?
She didn't know.

He looked at her with concern in his eyes, then smiled.

"But I don't need to tell you about all the shit I've had to deal with - you know about most of it already!
What I'm trying to say is...life is beautiful- and life is crap. Whatever..you have to go through it, feel it. The crap makes the beauty more intense, you know? There's no avoiding any of it. Let it in...and let your emotions out, good and bad. If you do nothing else Gracie, you must live your life... and you must feel."

Grace stared at him.

Dear Carl. He was right about it all.
These were her words, as this dream was of her making.

She tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come, so she just nodded.
Carl's face relaxed, and he released his grip on her hands, placing them carefully in her lap.

"I have to go away now." he said firmly, his face impassive.
Grace stared at him, her lip trembling.

"Will I ...see you again?" she whispered.

He took her face in his hands and kissed her gently, tenderly.
"I love you. But you have to do this on your own."

He wiped away the tear that had run down her cheek with his thumb, then got up and walked away.

He didn't look back. She wept.

She sleepwalked through the next few days. Carl was gone. How was she going to cope? But cope she must - she had no option.

She started talking to Jen again, although things would never go back to the way they were before. She told Jen that it looked as though Ed had disappeared from the scene, but wouldn't be drawn into any further conversation about him. She kept quiet about the theft from her bank account.

Her bank called asking her to come in and look at some footage taken from a security camera at another branch, footage of a woman they believed may have withdrawn the money from her savings account.

"A woman?" She'd exclaimed on the phone.
"Yes. Can you come in this afternoon?"