Leben wie ich | Meine Gedichte

happy endings

Writing stories is how I learn.
It's how I process all my pain.
But now I sadly have to accept,
I forgot the most important step.

Writing stories is up and down.
Happiness, tension, drama, release.
But all I know is bad and worse.
I've never seen a happy ending.

I grew up thinking I was average.
Nothing special about my life.
As I grow older I feel like a weirdo.
My life was a huge fucking lie.

My toxic relationships and self sabotage.
Everything I did was horrible.
And even when I finally flourish,
Something has to crush my soul.

My early years were way to messy,
Many things I want to change.
The new creations can't sustain,
Because of crumbling, ugly pillars.

Am I the only one who's never happy?
I mean.. I smile, I laugh, I feel alive.
But every night I lay in silence,
The truth penetrates me like a knife.

Tears well up and chest pain kills me.
My mind feels empty with years of regret.
I cannot run and hiding gets harder.
Every night I want it to end.

Well, that's not true.
I don't want to die.
All I want is a new try.
And because of my past I can't imagine,
Ending it without a cry.

How could I write about anything but my actual experience.
Writing about feelings I'll never experience,
I'd feel like a hoax.

My stories don't have a happy ending,
Not because I want to be different.
My stories can't have a happy ending,
Because my own story never truly will.