𝐄𝐏𝐎𝐂𝐇. Draco Malfoy

incorrect Draco and Y/n quotes that might make you inhale balogna

Y/n: I love you

Draco: Well why wouldn't you?

vs.

Draco: I love you

Y/n: *nervous laughter* cool

—--—

Draco: I've been dropping the most obvious hints for seven hears now, no response.

Y/n: Bloody hell! Seven years? Are they dumb?

Draco: No. . . They're just. . . dense.

Y/n: oh well— then why don't you try the direct 'i love you' approach, that should make it clear to them

Draco: you're right, i love you.

Y/n: yeah, just like that! that was good!

Draco: Holy fucking shit—

Y/n: if they don't get it by then, they're just too dumb for you!

—--—

Y/n: *about to be killed by Voldemort*

Y/n: hey, wanna get married?

Draco: YOU'RE LITERALLY ABOUT TO DIE, DO YOU WANT ME TO MARRY YOUR CORPSE?!

—--—

Draco: sorry about the mess

Y/n: oh, its alright. you should see my life.

—--—

Y/n: Draco and I are best friends!

Y/n: We're the bestest friends which is why we finish each other—

Draco: off.

—--—

Y/n: where are my auror robes?

Draco: what robes? *smell of burnt cloth*

Y/n: DRACO THE PUBLIC IS IN DANGER

Draco: MY EVENING IS ABOUT TO BE IN DANGER! I PLANNED FOR THIS NIGHT FOR TWO MONTHS!

Y/n: THIS IS FOR THE GREATER GOOD!?

Draco: I'M YOUR HUSBAND! IM LITERALLY THE GREATEST GOOD YOU'LL EVER GET!

—--—

Cedric: why does it smell like smoke?

Y/n: Draco got drunk and burnt our marriage certificate

Y/n: and then he yelled something about "goodluck returning me without the receipt!"

—--—

Draco: You're late

Y/n: you're handsome

Draco: you're forgiven

—--—

Y/n: *bursts through the door* DRACO HAVE YOU SEEN THE THING?!

Draco: What? What thing?

Y/n: I lost it— I lost the—

Y/n: oh nevermind you have it

Draco: YOU MEAN OUR CHILD?!

—--—

Cedric; I'm just a bit nervous about today's quidditch match. .

Y/n: why? Who're you up against?

Cedric: Slytherin.

Y/n: Oh, don't worry, we don't snakes don't arms

—--—

Y/n: this food is too hot! I can't eat this!