𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐥𝐲 - imagines, f.w

4. him | wolfhard

i knew i loved him, oh god i knew.

i knew by the way he cuddled me after, the way he dug his head into my neck and sat crying with me.

all i had, all i had.

he was so mad when i smoked, i was never sure why.

"that is so fucking unhealthy, y/n!"

i guess it took me back, back to my pre-teen years.

i remember hiding behind the school shed, with my friend jacob. we would steal the cigarettes before going into the school building, and we were never caught stealing.

yet - one time we got caught smoking, it was fucking hilarious.

jacob had given me a pill, and i was gone loopy.

"jeez lady, atleast i'm not a pussy" my twelve year old self told the teacher. i wonder where jacob is now?

i wasn't a rich girl, my father had died from lung cancer and my mother was a drug addict.

i cared for myself, and i wore the same shaggy clothes for the couple of years.

when i got into highschool, i met this boy. he was lanky, and innocent.

he hung around with me, and one time we kissed.

"first kiss?"

"yeah."

"first time communicating with a stoner?"

"yeah, i guess."

we started dating sooner than later, and he helped me.

he dug me out of my depression, and i was actually starting to be happy agein.

he brought me to buy clothes, and i actually wore something nice.

he just couldn't get me to stop smoking, oh he tried.

"p- please, baby. you can't die on me."

"i'm gonna die anyway, babe i ain't going no where."

i shouldn't have raised my voice at him.

one night, it was dark and cold.
the winter air flew through the windows, and i awoke at the feel of it brushing at my skin.

i grabbed my papers, and the bag of tobacco.

i carefully rolled it up, and put in the tip.

grabbing the lighter from across him, he awoke.

"w- what's the time?" he yawned, while i lit the cigarette.

"three? two? who gives any fucks."

i carefully stood up from our bed, and walked over to the open window.

"you- you should stop." he whispered, quietly.

"i told you, i can't."

i was already in a pissy mood that night, as my mother wanted me to get my friend to piss in a container for her.

i explained that i couldn't, and she called me the f-slur for it.

"b- but, your gonna die. your dad."
he yawned, making me more angry.

"i told you, i can't."

"but-"

"are you fucking deaf? i said i can't!" i yelled, dropping the cigarette out the window.

"look!" i yelled, looking back, i was disappointed in myself, i didn't feel like i was worthy to have been dating him. i wasn't that girl. i hated that feeling, and it was bothering me that night.

"don't yell at me!-"

"no! don't tell me to stop something i've been doing my whole life!" i yell, taking a box of cigarettes out of the drawer, and lighting one instead.

he went to rest his hand up to my cheek, but i thought he was going to smack me. why, oh why did i think the only brightness in my life was turn it dark.

"don't fucking hit me!" i yelled, dropping my cigarette.

i quickly stood on the lit piece of paper, not trying to burn the house down.

"look! look at that!" i yell, once agein.

"don't yell at me, i'm concerned for your health and you attack me for it?!"

"if you are going to tell me what to do with my life, i think you should leave!"

"oh, so your dumping me now!"

"you heard me!!"

i left his life that night, but he never left mine.

seeing him walk down the halls with veronica, his new girlfriend. it hurts, i never stopped loving him, and i never will.

we sometimes would make eye contact, he would always be sitting with the good kids. the kids who had a good life, a bright one. he'd be drinking one of the expensive sodas, like the ones for two dollars. id always be sitting with the rejects, no one wanted to sit with us, so we were our own company.

him.

my ex boyfriend,

finn wolfhard.

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word count :: 747

cried making this lol 🤟