acceptable | larry stylinson

five

!!TW!!
louis pov:
i watched as he walked out of my flat, looking so sad. i can't seem to understand why i thought it would be a good idea to do such with him so soon. i should have talked about it to him. i should have just told him. i just didn't want to break him or make him think it's okay. it's not and i regret doing it if i'm being honest.

the last thing i'm going to do now is go and cut myself for how bad i messed up because i know that's how i got here in the first place. me being the therapist i am, i deal with messed up patients. i hear so so much and after awhile, it just started to make me a bit depressed. it didn't help that ever since high school, i was made fun of for liking both women and men. i harmed myself in high school but not near as much as i do now. i wasn't lying though when i said i haven't done it since i met harry. i really haven't. it's almost as if he encouraged me not to the day i met him.

something is so special about him...and now he's gone. he will never forgive me for not telling him. i mean god what patient wants to know their therapist is just as messed up as them. i'm an idiot.

i went to my room that night and got into my bed. i was almost asleep when i heard my phone ring.

from harry: hey louis. i'm sorry for everything. i messed up. i never should have brought myself into your life, that's why i'm taking myself out of it. you deserve so much better then me. i'm sorry. don't come after me, this is for the best. i'm tired of being like this. don't miss me, nobody else will.

i read over it a few times before i realized what this text meant.

i ran to my car and began driving to harrys house, going 20 over the speed limit. i got there in about five minutes, due to how fast i was driving, and began to bang on the door. i noticed harrys car was the only car here. could his parents be gone? when i received no answer, i soon found and open window and crawled through it.

i began to search the house, looking everywhere. soon i saw it. as soon as i opened the bathroom door, harry was there, lying in the bathtub with his arms bleeding out, blade in hand.

"harry harry haz oh my god harry this is all my fault please stay with me" i said in a shaky voice, trying to keep my tears away. i soon called the ambulance and they were there in less then five minutes. he still was breathing but he was unconscious. sitting there, looking at a unconscious harry, made me just realize how bad i've messed up.

when the ambulance got there, they took him into the back of the car and i drove behind them to the hospital. i thought to call his parents but one, i don't have their numbers, and two, the whole reason harry came to my flat in the first place was because he needed to get away from his parents. best if i just take care of this one i guess.

i sat in the waiting room for hours just waiting to see if he would live. what would i do if he didn't. i couldn't live without him. in the short time i've known him, i've learned so much about him and i know he's broken, but that's what i wanted to help him with. i think i might even love him. i just i don't know how to comprehend everything. he meant so much to me and if i lost him, i wouldn't know what to do with my life.

soon a doctor approached me with a sad look on her face. "are you louis tomlinson?" she asked. "um yea here for..for harry styles ma'am." i said sadly. "yes of course. well louis, he's lost so much blood it's a miracle he's still alive. if you would have been there just a few minutes later, he would have surly died." she said to me and wow. i saved harrys life. "wow um.." i was honestly speechless. "you can go in there now, he's asleep though due to the medication we put him on. he should be awake in the next hour or so though." she said smiling at me. "thank you so much. really. it means a lot" i said to her shaking
her hand. she nodded with a smile as a response and soon i was walking in to see harry lying peacefully asleep.

he's so beautiful.

i went on the chair beside his bed and took his hand into mine. i sat there for an hour or so, just putting my hand in his hair, massaging it while he slept.

i soon heard small sniffles and that's when i knew it. he was actually still here, with me. he's okay.

"haz?" i said to him. "lo-lou? where am i? i thought i would be gone- what- what happened to-" i cut him off by saying, "shh shh baby it's okay. i'm here." he looked at me with a confused expression. "louis why are you here." he asked me.

"as soon as i saw your text, i came running to your house. when i saw what i saw, i called 911 and told them what had happened. harry i almost lost you due to my stupid mistakes. i'm so sorry i-" he cut me off by saying, "louis it wasn't you." he said looking down. it wasn't me? "wha-what do you mean?" i asked confused. "it-its my parents. they're always fighting. i lost my best friends, i got played by a jock, i even thought maybe i was ready to be loved. then i was reminded, nobody should spend time loving me." he paused. "when i was 12 years old, my- my father he- he came home drunk one day. my mum was out of town for a business trip in france. he- he came home drunk and locked me in my room...i-i couldn't escape. i couldn't talk. my father he- he raped me that night. after the night, it began to be almost a normal thing. sitting in my bed earlier, i thought about just how messed up my life really is. how worthless i am. it all made me realize, my time is up." he said to me with tears running down his face.

i couldn't process what was happening. harry was raped by his father? i swear when i see his father i will make him pay. i soon realized i hadn't said anything to him.

"haz i'm so sorry. i should have been there im so sorry." i said wiping off his tears from his face. "the truth is, harry i- i think i'm in lo-" i was cut off when the nurse came in.

"oh i- i'm sorry if i interrupted i can come in later if you guys want" she said looking embarrassed. she should be embarrassed she's a lil shit. shut up louis.
"oh no it's okay. what did you need?" i asked her, clearly annoyed. "i was just going to check his blood and make sure his breathing is okay. he is going to need to stay here over night so if you want to stay with him, you can." she said walking out.

i sighed and looked at harry. i got in his bed and wrapped my arms around him. "i'm so sorry." is all i said before drifting off to sleep with him in my arms.