Stargazing

The Diary Of Natalie Healy pt. I

01.07.1976

Today I finished school(for good) so I'll have to move out soon. I'm not scared. I already have a job and a small flat in a nearby village. I can't wait to start my own life and maybe even have a family of my own? I got this diary from Nancy to document everything important so I hope I won't forget about it!

24.07.1976

I moved in! The windows are a bit leaky but the landlord said he's going to repair them before winter. Nancy and Tony are going to visit me and we'll have a dinner together. I would love a small party but we had to postpone it because I have to work tomorrow morning.

01.12.1976

Sorry I haven't wrote in a few months. Nothing interesting happened. Just work and meeting with Nancy and Tony, mostly to drink. But actually it feels good. I'm not complaining. The windows are still leaky but I put towels around it. My birthday is coming up, I hope I'll be able to go for a short trip with my friends.

15.02.1977

I managed to take a short leave and we went to Bath for four days. It was fun until Tony said he fancies me. I have already known but I've always thought he was aware that I don't feel the same about him. Shit shit SHIT

17.02.1977

Tony acts like it was me who did something wrong. Fuck him. I never enjoyed his company either way. We were meeting out of a habit, not a pure friendship.

03.05.1977

Nancy's engaged now. I like her fiancee, he's a great guy. They plan their wedding for November. Personally I don't know if I would want to have a husband at 20. Maybe I don't want to have a husband at all? Well if I want to have my dream daughter I have to find someone. Someone who's not stupid and not ugly. That can't be too hard. People from the village wouldn't stop talking about me if I became a single mother but maybe then I could move to the big city? Maybe I could have my own hair salon one day?

13.11.1977

The wedding was great. I met new people and danced the night away. Tony apologized for acting like a dick. Finally. Now, as Nancy is married I'm going to need at least one friend to do young people stuff with.

29.12.1977

Nancy insisted on going to the bar yesterday and now I'm hungover as fuck. What is worse, she left me alone by 10 p.m. because she met her old friend. We were technically together but overall I couldn't take part in their conversation. Fortunately I also met someone, he complimented me a lot and was VERY hot (and very drunk but that doesn't matter). Do I feel bad that I had sex with a stranger in a pub's toilet? Yes I do. Do I feel bad that I had sex with a attractive young gentleman who kissed me passionately as I moaned into his mouth? No, not at all. I've never had a spontaneous quickie and now I can check it off my to do list. He even bought me another drink after and introduced to his friend. I think they're kids of this wealthy elderly lady, who always smiles to me when she does groceries in our shop. It was a nice evening and I had lots of fun but I hope I never meet them again. (What if they would just laugh at me for being an easy girl?) I have to move on and concentrate on my job and the hairdresser course.

Also I might change my views on smoking. It always reminded me of disgusting construction workers who catcalled on every girl passing by but when Sirius does it... When he smokes it's pure art. His hand looks so good holding a cigarette and his lips connect with it so gently. Wow, that's embarassing. Good thing no one will ever read this shit.

31.12.1977

Just got ready for a party with Nancy, Matthew and Tony. Ton said he'll come with a girl. I've never felt such relief. The sad thing is that I'll be the only single one. I'm curious what Sirius does for New Years Eve; would he come with me to the party if I asked? I hate myself for those thoughts, that night didn't mean anything and I know that but I just can't stop thinking about his voice, hair, lips hands... Fuck I got horny