Stargazing

The betreyal

1981

"Oh it's you Pete!" James said loud enough to let Lilly know who visited them "Come in, fancy a drink?"

"No, thanks. Just hoped in to check if you need anything" said Peter, still in his jacket, waving to Lilly from the hall

"I think we're fine. I'm going to put Harry to sleep but please" she pointed at the couch "I'll join you later, boys."

Lilly passed them and made her way upstairs. How lucky do you have to be to have a friend like Peter? He was visiting them constantly, making sure they don't need anything and bringing them all the Order news. He made them feel like they still belong. Not like they are just Voldemort's target. She felt a bit sorry for Peter. He seemed exhausted whenever he came and his eyes were framed with dark circles. The worst was that they had no idea how long they are going to be in hiding. Nothing to look forward to.

She kissed Harry and sat with him in the rocking chair, before putting him into the crib. Her precious boy. It still amazed her how much love she has for this tiny human being. Well, not so tiny anymore, she had to remind herself all the time. He eats solid foods and walks and even talks a bit now. And this insane toy broom. Sirius has no idea how much joy and light it had brought to their life. Her thoughts were interrupted by the stomping on the stairs.

"Lilly" Peter walked in the bedroom with a wand in his hand. His face was pale and a drop of sweat run down his temple "you have to understand I don't mean to hurt anyone. I just want us to be safe and happy, together. We can finish this war..."

"What are you talking about, Peter?" she put sleeping Harry into the crib and realised she doesn't have her wand with her

"He just wants him-"

"What is going on, Pettigrew." she growled, coming out of the room and closing the door after her.

"Listen, I can also be helpful, okay? Just trust me once! I'm not stupid, I can do more than the patrolling!"

"We've made you a secret keeper, do you really think we think you're stupid or that we don't trust you!?"

Peter bit his lip and took a deep breath

"Being James' friend-"

"Best friend"

"More like second- best friend if you insist. Anyways, it's not the title I want to carry for my whole life! I want to prove them all! I can do more than that! Also, sometimes it's better to sacrifice one life..."

"You're talking about my son!" she screamed, still confused about her friends' behaviour.

"Immobulus"

"Don't you dare taking Harry out of this house!" she shouted panicking

"I thought I made it clear" a raspy voice came from behind her, Lord Voldemort himself with a hand on the door handle to Harry's bedroom "Keep her alive if he wants it so bad but remember that if this disgusting mudblood interrupts me, it's not only the boy who is going to die tonight."

"Yes, my Lord." Peter bowed slightly. Lilly felt rage grow inside her.

I failed. I failed as a mother. I failed my son.

Voldemort opened the door with a delighfulltness on his face. Harry wasn't asleep. He was standing in the crib, his eyes focused on his mother, the tiny hand reaching in her direction trough the bars.

"Don't kill him!" The sound of her heartbeat mixed with Harry's quiet voice repeating 'mommy' almost deafend her. "Kill me instead! He didn't do anything! Kill me, not Harry!"

After the doors were closed, she couldn't see much. The tears started to form in her eyes but she was still screaming.

"Leave him, kill me, take me! Please kill me but not Harry!"

"Lilly, it's fine. Trust me, everything is going to be good now. When he gets Harry, we can-" Peter's words were interrupted by a loud noise in the bedroom. The whole house shook and she could feel a cold outside air on her skin.

I lost them, I lost them both.

Peter rushed to the bedroom and opened the doors slightly. His eyes got wider and for a second there was a smile on his face. A moment later they heard the front door open.

"James!" Sirius' voice filled the whole house. Pettigrew looked downstairs and immediately turned into his animagus form. Suddenly the wind blew and the bedroom door opened fully. Lilly closed her eyes, fearing of what she might see inside.

"I'm here Sirius" she said the loudest she could, trying to stop crying for a moment.

"Lilly! Wha-" he stopped when he reached the top of the stars "Harry!"

She couldn't help but cry. She couldn't imagine her life without James and Harry. The two boys she loved most dearly. They were gone now. She couldn't even help them. She couldn't hold them as they faced the death.

"Mommy okay?" a tiny voice came to her, and she's felt like a heavy stone is being lifted from her back. She felt a shiver going down her body as Sirius casted finito over her. Lilly fell down to her knees and cried even harder, hiding her face in her hands.

I didn't loose them both.