Stargazing

"Peter?"

1981

"Nat, she's falling asleep here" Sirius pointed on Cassiopeia who lied on the carpet, clenching onto her dog plushie

"Put her to bed" Natalie said still focused on the tv. Her favourite detective show was on and she never missed an episode. Sirius hated it with burning passion and usually spent this time with Remus. Unfortunately it was a full moon. He was out for the whole night.

"I would love to but whenever I do it, she cries for you"

"Then wait until I finish my show. I need to know who stole the jewelry."

"It was the son, not the butler." Nat looked at him for the first time in half an hour, frowning "he wants to move out and he needs money. It's obvious."

"It still doesn't make any sense, he could just ask his awfully rich parents..."

"No, because they want him to become a lawyer and he doesn't want to." Sirius took a sip of his tea and Natalie realised he's right. It really is obvious.

"I guess it's easier to see some things when you observe them from the distance" she smiled standing up from the couch and picking the sleeping girl from the floor "You're actually quite clever"

"Of course I am" his voice sounded higher than usual and Natalie tried not to burst out laughing.

Cassi was already half asleep so it didn't took more than ten minutes to change her and put to bed. When she got back to the living room, the tv was off and the record player was quietly playing Bowie's album. Sirius was sitting in the armchair, head tilted back, breathing heavily. A glass bottle on the coffee table got her attention.

"Drinking alone?" she asked getting one more glass from the kitchen cupboard.

"Sorry"

"Something's wrong?" she sat on the armrest, sipping on the whisky and frowning slightly. She never enjoyed the pure taste of it.

"I can't tell you" he sighed staring into the space

"Oh, okay. Want to be alone, Sirius?" she stroked his hair and smiled weakly when he turned to her shaking his head

"The war scares the shit out of me" he downed his glass of whisky ignoring her question "We have a spy, in the Order"

Natalie poured him some more alcohol and tried to comfort him by putting her arm around him

"It was never particularly fun but with friends by my side, it felt like a mission. Everyone had their job and if we keeped to it, the plan would work out. Now, James and Lilly are in hiding because someone wants to... to kill Harry and-" his voice started shaking so he stopped and downed his second glass "I feel like I can't trust anyone."

"Even Remus?" She took his glass and put it on the table. Sirius once more shook his head. "You're joking! Do you really think it could be..."

"You have no idea how many secrets he keeps!" an angry tear fell down his cheek and he stood to fill his glass again. Natalie stopped him and forced to sit on the couch.

"Baby, you're my best friend and I believe every word you say but this- How could you even think of it!"

"I don't know what to think anymore" Sirius wiped his face with his sleeve

"How do you know about his secrets?"

"He told me"

"Were they bad? Did it hurt anyone?"

"No, they were mostly about his life, his past. He's a very private person. You probably already know that."

"And he told you everything? Seems like he trusts you"

"That's what I thought"

"So why him? Why did you suddenly stop trusting him? Why not... Peter?" 

Sirius chuckled

"Peter? He's- no..." he laughed again shaking his head "And he is James' childhood friend. They are like brothers! He would never do anything to hurt him."

"Really? I've only heard James talk about you as his 'brother'. Also, Pete looks quite uncomfortable around you lately..."

Sirius' looked at her raising an eyebrow, his smile slowly fading away.

"...and I mean, I can see where it comes from. You constantly pick at him-"

"But we're friends, he knows it's just jokes."

"I don't think so. He doesn't laugh at them. You're just being a dick." Natalie patted his back

"I know my friends for ten years. We shared a room since we were eleven! Besides, I've never really seen you talk with Pete." Sirius' face turned stone cold and now it seemed more like he was trying to convince himself, not Natalie.

"I saw many of your meetings. I know how you act around each other. I didn't need to talk with him to know how he feels-" she tried to explain but Sirius didn't listen

"What do you mean, he's been uncomfortable? What does 'lately' mean?" he took her hands and looked in the eyes

"I don't know, maybe since Cass' second birthday? He was fine on the party and the next time he came he seemed odd..."

"I... I have to go. I have to see James. Oh fuck." he mumbled looking around the room "Where's my wand? I am sure I put it here" he searched chaotically through the bookcase

"It's in your hair, Black." Natalie took it out of his bun and handed it gently as if it was a sharp knife "Look at me and take a deep breath. Don't do anything too stupid." she tiptoed and kissed his forehead

"Love you girls" he said as he put on his jacket and disappeared behind the door.