love or lust

the art of not falling apart

"i'm just a girl" you mumble looking into the mirror, you spoke softly to yourself "maybe it's the way you say my name? but it's all good, i have never known anybody like you, i'm pretty sure you are the love of my life" you wipe the tears of your face and unlock the door. lou is sat on your bed "i see forever in your eyes y/n" she said deeply, it sounded like she have feelings for you, deep feelings. "i have never felt so happy" you say not knowing how to respond. you leave the room, not saying anything more or less than what was needed, as you left lou alone in your room you felt a tear hit your nose you quickly wipe it away just as debbie comes round the corner. she looks at you and tilts her head, "why have you been crying sweetheart" she spoke to you in a tone that made you feel safe and like someone was there for you, "i don't know debbie, my emotions are getting the best of me and i don't understand why or how. i have always been so good at hiding my emotions and pushing it all down and now, now it's all coming up. it's like word vomit" you blurt out to her. debbie places her hand on your shoulder and whispers softly in your ear while rose walks past "some days, the whole world seems upside down. and then somehow, and probably when you least expect it, the world rights itself again" she smiles and walks off towards her room, you look down at your feet. lou comes out of your room, she looks tired you thought, you walk up to her " maybe we should get some sleep" you advised her. she just looks at you and walks away.

you walk off towards the living room, wondering what you did to her, to hurt her this bad. maybe you didn't hurt her maybe she was just tired like you suggested. you sigh into the sofa and put american horror story on to pass time by.

it's about 9:25pm now, you sit up and think. "hey" rose said walking into the living room "what are you thinking about?" she adds as you get up running towards lous room. when you reach the end of the hall, you stop, take in a deep breath and knock "come in" lou shouts like you had woken her up, "i'm sorry if you were sleeping but, if you love someone you tell them, because you never know what could happen in a day, hour, minutes and i know it's observed but it's scary life, it's terribly stressful and sad and terrifying. and my dad used to tell me everything bad happens to them- if you want crappy things to stop happening to you, then stop accepting crap and start demanding more, whenever i would moan about me not telling someone i loved them soon enough"
you take another deep breath walking over to lous bed lying next to her "i'm, i'm in love with you lou and i know it's quick but love isn't something that can be ignored, and to be honest i tired it but it's impossible, i love you and you can have time to decide, and what ever you decide when you turn back i will still be right behind you because i have your back because i love you lou, i really do" lou turns around to face you and just looks at you in your eye, it feels like she is trying to see into your soul. "i love you too y/n, i wanted to tell you but you seem almost scared to be loved" she looks at you questionably, you look at the ground stopping the tears from flowing out. "cry baby tears" you whisper to yourself, lou lifts your head up and wipes your tears off with her hand. she gently kisses your head. "i want to say something, but i cant find the words" you sigh "just breathe" lou reply's "i'm just scared i guess" your not, this pain it's like screaming, but no one can hear you. you almost feel ashamed, that someone could be so important, that if you even had to be without them, you would feel like nothing. and that's something no one would ever understand, they will never understand the pain or how much it hurts. you feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. your lost in your thoughts, lou shakes you, you look up at her "yeha?" you question. she looks at you "are you okay?" you look into her eyes lost "i'm fine"