love or lust

happy birthday <3

     ⚠️MAJOR TW FOR THIS CHAPTER⚠️

it's june 23rd, it's your birthday tomorrow, no one knows nor should they. a birthday isn't a big deal especially a 20th it's such an odd number, you get out of bed and begin to shower. (there is a tw/self harm/drûg/alcohol abuse warning) as you get into the shower you turn around so your wrists are directly underneath the hot water you flinch in pain. quickly turning around, you look down at your wrists that are now inflamed and red you just shower, washing your hair and your body quickly. you get out and brush your teeth, you pick out a outfit, a dark green almost forest green bralett, you pair it with some black flares and a cropped blazer and some converse. you brush your hair back so it's out of your way, your hair is long and gets tangled easily so you have to brush it while it's wet, but you never put it up or straighten it because it's a beautiful red colour that goes perfect with your green eyes. you love your hair it makes you like yourself a bit more. you look at your self in the mirror on your wardrobe, as your doing that lou walks it "woah, you look hot. where are you going though?" she looks you up and down "i was going to head into the city and do some shopping, wanna come? we could grab dinner together" you wink at her. she looks at you while saying "let me get dressed them gorgeous"

you sit on the end of your bed doing your make up, "you don't need make up, your perfect" lou says while taking off her towel to get dressed, "if i didn't wear makeup people would be able to do dot to dot with my spots" you laugh, lou throws a stern look at you. "lou?" you question her, "yes darling" you just look at her as she reply's, moments later all you can see is black, it's dark too dark.

-lous perspective-
it's been a few hours now, we are at the hospital with y/n, i just remember them saying my name and then just passing out. i don't understand how it happened or why it happened, they still haven't woken up the doctors are running tests are them, drawing blood so many types a day i'm sure they have none left. a doctor, i think he was a surgical resident, came by he rolled up there left arm but seen it was too bruised from all the blood that had been taken. so he rolled up there right sleeve revealing cuts, fresh and old ones that have scared, he looks at me and questions "did you know?" i  turn to look at him "know what?" as i  look down to my horror  i see your wrists covered, i want to cry but i suck it up "no i didn't, are they the problem?" i say trying to keep my emotions in "they could be causing Necrotizing fasciitis disease" he looks directly at me, "sorry, your going have to explain that too me" i tremble "also known as flesh-eating disease, is an infection that results in the death of parts of the body's soft tissue. It is a severe disease of sudden onset that spreads rapidly. Symptoms usually include red or purple skin in the affected area, passing out,severe pain, fever, and vomiting" he pronounces "well can you fix it, you have too!" i exclaimed "well, Treatment. Accurate and prompt diagnosis, treatment with intravenous (IV) antibiotics , and surgery to remove dead tissue are vital in treating necrotizing fasciitis" he responds, he continues too speak "they should wake up after surgery if not, more than likely they will be brain dead" i gasp at the thought of losing them.

-your perspective-
my eyes start to flicker open, the white lights make me detect i'm in a hospital room. i quickly gag as i'm gorked with a breathing tube "omg, there awake" the doctor adds, lou looks up at you while the doctor takes out your breathing tube, it felt painfully bug also it felt so nice not to have that thing down your throat anymore. " lou, lou" you whimper, she jumps up and lays her head on your shoulder "what's up my love" she questions you, you try to speak but nothing comes out, "hi, y/n i'm dr deluca, we had a bit of a scare thinking you had NF disease but it turns out your pregnant, your about 12 weeks into the pregnancy but we do need to have a chat, about your wrists and how to look after your self while you are carrying a human" dr deluca says walking up and down changing your iv bag, "what time is it?" you look at lou, so she reply's "1:09am" you look at your doctor "happy birthday i guess" you whisper to your self "how are you pregnant, who's is it" lou says as the doctor leaves the room. you take a deep sigh "it's links baby, i'm sure of it. we had a link up i'm sure you could call it about 3 months back and obviously it got me pregnant" lou looks at you with tears in her eyes, "are you keeping it?" you grab her hand "do you want a kid?, most importantly do you want a another mans kid?" lou nods at you "course i want a kid, link is just a sperm donor at the end of the day" dr deluca is back into the room, "before i get started any questions?" you look at lou who has a concerned face "yes actually, why was she passed out for so long?" "her body was exhausted and dehydrated, her body hadn't slept in days nor drank anything so it shut down, before you ask me anything else, with self harming while pregnant can cause greater risk to your baby. your baby can develop a disorder called sepsis which could lead you too losing the baby, sometimes the babies can survive but they won't be fully developed no matter how long there in the womb for 32 weeks, the full 40 weeks or 42 weeks. the babies brain and nerve system will never probably be able to provide full use for your child" dr deluca continued "miss miller, please look after your girlfriend with every bit of energy you have, make sure she eats drinks and sleeps but also make sure she relaxed her body a lot!" lou looked down on me, it felt like she was trying to share her emotions with me or something so i just nodded at her, it felt right. dr deluca spoke to me and lou which made us jump "y/n, you can be discharged in an hour. you will be given some meds make sure you take them twice a day" you nod at her than look at Lou.

you arrive home, rose is waiting in your bedroom "happy birthday baby niece!!" she shouts making you jump, you feel dizzy from jumping or maybe it was shock that she actually knew your birthday. "it's your birthday?" lou questions you making you feel really bad, "yeah it is, i was going to tell you at dinner. i know it's going to make you feel like a bad girlfriend not knowing my birthday but i don't really like my birthday. it makes me miss my dad and mum very much and i can't deal with stress and missing them right now" you exchange a look at lou while speaking. you quickly look down at your hands fiddling with them, tears start to stream out of your eyes. "hey darling it's okay, we all understand, we all love and support your decision" rose came out with.

it's been a few weeks, your about 20 weeks pregnant now. you and lou have a ultrasound booked to find out the gender of your baby, "hey sit your ass down that's my baby in there i don't want you overworking your self" lou says in a slightly angry tone "your baby?" you ask lou with a smile "our baby" lou says softly.
"you ready, darling?" lou shouts from the other room, you waddle into the room with a breakfast bar, you nod at her "god you look so hot even when your pregnant" she kneels down and kisses your stomach "hello little bean, i'm hope your okay! we will found out if your a girl bean or a boy bean but it's okay because we will love you either way"

"hi guys, go and take off your trousers and lie on the bed for me please i will be in shortly" dr deluca says as you walk through the door, you walk into room 1385 and take off your jeans and lou helps you get onto the bed. "so are we finding out the gender today?" dr deluca asks you as you walk in wheeling in the ultrasound machine, "yeah we are actually!" you say excitedly "okay, dr robbins will be in shortly with you, she will find the baby's heart beat for you too, since you miss your 12 week scan because you had obviously just received the news you were pregnant!" it takes dr robbins about 20 mins to come and see you "sorry i took so long i had another worried momma, so this jelly will feel a little bit cold on your stomach, i will put a little bit of pressure on your stomach and then we should be able to hear the heart beat than i will bring it up towards the top of your stomach to figure out the gender." you flinch as she splats the cold jelly on your lower stomach, you hear the heart beat and you can feel tears forming "oh my goddess, that's our baby lou" you mumble through your tears. "okay now we will move up, you see that there" dr robbins says pointing 2 semi- circles on your ultrasound "that's a little girl, your having a little girl!!" dr robbins said proudly "omg we are having a little girl baby, we are having a girl" lou says so excitingly you thought she might burst!!