Eighteen and up.~Ziall~

37

I sat in the kitchen on my phone, while Louis and Harry went to work in my dads office trying to find out where Jake was being held in South Africa, and I'll be a coward and admit I'm scared that Zayn who was still in the back yard t, would come in and yell at me some more.

 So I decided he would call Austin, seeing as he hasn't seen him since the birthday party.

  "Hello?" It was perrie that answered and the cheers of testosterone from a party echoed in the background.

        " Is Austin there?"  I yell, she hums to a song that was blazing in the back before finally answering me.

   "One sec he's doing a keg stand." I roll my eyes but chuckle at the thought of Austin being held upside down over a keg.

         "oop here he comes." Perrie adds before there was a loud muffle on the phone.

        "Niallllll buddy!" Austins screams his deep voice seemingly going out from previous screaming.

  "Ouch ears Austin ears." I roll my eyes at how he just slurs his next sentence inviting me over to his college kegger.

  "I guess I couold stop by I mean-" I begin but I was caught off guard by Zayn pulling my phone from my ear and hanging up on Austin.

        "Thats fucking it you know what Zayn I am so done with this bullshit your horrible to me you just don't care about how I feel, why is that, why do you only care for me when its convenient why...you can't just tear my life apart just to build on to your ego!" I scream at the top of my lungs.

  Zayn set my phone on the table slowly and sat on the other side of the long table in our kitchen. He ran his hand down his face before pointing for me to sit down, I shook my head and let my arms fold over my chest.

  "I told you loud and clear I'm not fucking with you anymore your a toxic human being." i say in a much lower tone of voice.

   " Niall your such a fucking loser, you give me more time then yourself, you constantly blame your problems on others around you but you can't seem to understand your better off worrying about who you are for a while..I don't need to look after someone who doesn't respect who they are..I refuse to treat you like the rest of everyone I've been with." Zayn says in a calm voice that some how hypnotized me to make my way to a chair and listen to him.

     "Just because I care about others more than I care about myself does not mean I do not care about myself that does not make me a loser..but you need to listen to me Zayn...I care so much about you and the fact that you treat me like shit an put your hands on me just really shows how out of sync you are with what love is." I see Zayn suck in breath and clench his fist when I say this.

  " It only gets worst from here, Niall I told you..I am not boyfriend material so you need to give me time okay..you need to either let me do me and try to do better alone or get this me..get the me that lashes out on you, I'm not a good person..I struggle with my demons everyday..everything I do is for myself because Unlike you I am selfish." I didn't want to here his fucking spook story, he literally is trying to scare me away.

  "You look at me when I'm talking to you." Zayn says through his teeth. His anger is just fuel to me wanting to be around him.

  " I want to be real with you because I do love you but not enough to hurt you...I refuse to be with you until I can treat you the way you deserve to be treated.." 

 "Just so you know Zayn, I'm not waiting on your beck and call....I'm not going to sit around and wait for you to get your shit  straight because I am young and I have too much time that I don't feel like losing." I say with a new found dignity.