Stupid One Shots I Make About Random Shit

Soft and Juicy

My friend Anneliese x a bag of trader joes dried mangoes
(this one mentions kinks and major character death so again if youre uncomfortable you know the drill)

Anneliese entered the Trader Joe's with her thoughts set on one thing and one thing only, her best friend.

"Hello dried mango,"

Anneliese started, but before she could finish, she noticed something was wrong. She looked down at the package. Proudly on the front it displayed: "SOFT AND JUICY MANGO."

She ignored it at first, and took the mangoes to the cash register to pay. She left the store and got into her car, putting the bag with the mangoes in the front seat. Her mind was on anything but driving though. Juicy mangoes? These were not juicy. They were supposed to be dried, so why would you put juicy on the package?  She knew she would have to do something about this.

Anneliese turned the car radio on to try and distract herself from her own mind.

"Oh mango woman-" The radio chimed. She changed the radio station. The next song had just started. "She's got a mango in the garden-" crooned the little box in the dashboard. Anneliese started to flip through the stations looking for any song that didn't have anything to do with mangoes.

"Finally!"

She breathed a sigh of relief as a song not related to mangoes started playing. Though by then, she had reached her house. Anneliese got out of the car and took her groceries inside.

"Maybe I'll make a cake," she told her dog, Laddie, because Anneliese talks to her dog, Laddie. She ran upstairs to put her shoes away and grab her painting of squidward to give her good luck while baking. As she was about to descend the stairs, she heard her dog, Laddie, start barking.

Anneliese ran to the kitchen and saw her dog, Laddie, barking at the dry mangoes she brought home. Great, she had just forgotten about them because her attention span is that of a goldfish. She picked up the mangoes and...

"Ay! What's the big idea?!"

"Woah who said that?" Anneliese replied to the mysterious voice.

"I did, wiseguy!"

She looked down at the pack of dried mangoes she was holding. She then realized the unusual nature of this situation.

"Y-you're a pack of mangoes... and you're TALKING?!" Anneliese screamed.

The mangoes responded, "Yeah yeah pal, fuggedaboutit!"

"No, No! I didn't mean to be rude, I'm just confused. I buy dried mangoes every week, and they've never talked before."

"Yeah, and don't be a rat. I used to be a whole mango ya know. Every package you bought had a piece of me in it. I didn't talk because I didn't think you'ds be ready."

Anneliese stared at the mangoes in disbelief, "OK well... anyway... I just want to ask, why does it say juicy on your package, but you're clearly dried mangoes?"

"Ah that old thing. See, before you eat dried mangoes, you're actually supposed to put them in water," The mangoes replied.

"Wait but, wouldn't you drown if I put you in water?" Anneliese asked, scared.