Heavy Blood

14. Tobirama

After we finished kissing (it took ages), Izuna commented how late it was, and got ready for bed. I waited for him to settle down on the matters, and sat next to him then, stroking his head.

"Stay", he whispered.

I kept stroking his head, enjoying the sensation of his clean, glossy hair beneath my palm. "Okay", I said. "Okay."

I brushed my teeth, cleaned my red stripes off and clambered into bed with him, clad in t-shirt and boxers instead of my robe like last time. I held him close to me, nuzzling his cheek and placing kisses all over it. He soon fell fast asleep, and I kept cuddling him. I really, really started to like this man. He seemed so uncomplicated, so kind and warm-hearted, and I felt I was so lucky that he liked me. Yet, another worry had started drifting into my mind other than guilt.

What about Izuna's feelings?

I was a catholic priest, and I knew I could never give Izuna what he wanted. I needed to tell him that we should back off from each other, that of course he could stay here for as long as he wanted but we couldn't be in a relationship and thus, we should break this off because it would hurt too much if we went further. But I really didn't want to. And, judging by how he had started to snore softly in my arms, he didn't want to, either.

Izuna's alarm woke us up at six thirty. He sighed softly.

"I don't wanna get up", he murmured.

"I'll be right here when you get back", I whispered, kissing his cheek. He got up, got ready and left, but not before coming back to give me a hug in bed.

I got up at nine, having a sleep-in today as there wasn't much that was happening, nor much that needed to be done. I was fiddling with my phone, reading news that did nothing but give me anxiety, when I got a text from my brother.

Hashirama (9:03): Coffee out after breakfast? :)

Me (9:05): Absolutely

Hashirama (09.07): Nice! C u at 10, usual place :)

I left the church, locking it after me and started walking in the cool breeze. I was wearing my black trousers and black shirt together with my white collar, but had slung my black coat over it all, making me feel less exposed. I looked forward to catching up with Hashi; it was a long time ago we hung out and talked, our workout schedules not having overlapped for a while.

I opened the door to our favourite coffee shop, which was a quite dark yet airy space with good, fresh air, something I found lacking in most cafés, and delicious cakes. I ordered one and a cup of coffee for myself, along with an almond croissant and tea with oat milk for Hashi, which I knew were his favourites. He came in not two minutes later, also clad in his priest shirt, his hair cascading like a curtain of silk over his shoulders, cut in a razor-sharp line. He was taller than me but more slender, and whereas I radiated poise and don't-fuck-with-me, he was glowing with warmth, of someone who was easily approachable and who you wanted to become friends with.

"Nice to see you, stranger!" he said and smiled. "Thank you!" he said, taking a big bite of the croissant and sipping a little of his tea.

"Nice to see you, too. I've hardly seen you in church."

"Paperwork", he smirked. "Loads of behind-the-scenes stuff you don't see."

"I would if you let me."

He waved his hand dismissively. "Nahh. You're doing so much already. Also, it's good for me to have something to do. You know... With the IVF and everything." He looked sad then, and I knew how hard he and Mito had been trying to conceive. It had taken Mito ages to convince Hashi to try IVF. "Maybe, it's not God's will", Hashirama would say. "If it's not God's will, then why the fuck did he give humans the brains to create IVF?!" Mito was smart like that; she could work her way around all rules of her husband's religion to her advantage. Hashi had luckily finally agreed when Mito, in all her right, had stated that having a child was more important to her than their marriage.

I put a hand on his arm. "I'm here, you know?"

"I know", he said, smiling sadly. Suddenly, his entire face lit up. He was funny like that; switching from one mood to the next in an instant. "But enough about me! How about you? Asked that boy out yet?"

I choked on my coffee. "What?!"

I had told him vaguely about Izuna and his situation to explain why he was staying at the church, but I'd been very careful to not raise suspicion.

"Oh, come on! It's crystal clear. You two love each other!"

"I hardly know him; I can't love-"

He grabbed my arm, stared at me then with eyes so intense they burned a hole through the back of my head. "You love each other..."

"Hashirama, you're scaring me..."

He released my arm and smiled, scary gaze gone as soon as it had come. I allowed myself to relax. "What's holding you back?"

"Umm, Catholicism perhaps? Having sworn myself into a lifetime of celibacy, maybe?"

"Tobirama..." Hashi grabbed his mug with both hands then, and I knew he was getting serious. "You've worked so hard for God. He's worked so hard for you. I think that God has sent that boy to you for a reason. What reason that may be is between you and God. But please. Don't beat yourself up for it. Literally."

I looked at Hashi harshly then, trying to take in everything he said.

I lifted my coffee cup to my lips and took a sip.