Heavy Blood

19. Izuna

The spring air was refreshing in my lungs, vitalising in my heart. I closed my eyes and turned my face to the sun, smiling. My red scarf was flowing behind me in the wind, a Christmas gift from Tobirama. It was early in the morning, and I was happy to be back to teach my class after the weekend.

"MR SENJU!!" Angelica screeched and threw herself into my arms.

"Ouff! Stop calling me that, will you! You make it sound as if we're married."

She looked up at me with huge eyes. "You aren't?"

Oh my God. "No. We have only known each other for half a year, dear." How would I ever tell her and the others that Tobirama and I...

"My dad had only known my mum for two hours when they married", a girl named Jessica said. "She was a stripper and he married her when he was in Vegas."

"Ehh... That's terrific, Jessica. I'm so happy for them."

"When can we see him again?" Lisa asked, sneaking her hand into mine.

"Maybe soon", I said, putting my hand in her head. There will be no such thing as seeing him again... I swallowed back my tears.

Lisa leaned in and gestured that she wanted to whisper something dramatically into my ear. "You're meeting with him today, aren't you?" she whispered dramatically into my ear.

I blinked a few times. "How did you know?"

"Your cologne. You have a different one on today."

Goddamn it, children were sneaky.

Truth was, we were meeting. It was all a very sad story, really. I had my own apartment now, a small but tidy one that had been built only two years ago. I rented it, but I loved it with all my heart. It felt like home. Tobirama had lain on the bed, naked, on his stomach, and I, also naked, had sat next to him, stroking his back. We had purred and murmured to each other for hours, the pink cherry blossom tree outside my window sifting the around sun in to touch our skins like powder.

"They're healing beautifully", I murmured, stroking his thick scars.

"Thank you", he said. "I still can't believe it's been three months since..."

"Since you last did it."

He didn't answer. I started fiddling with his hair. He took my hand, entwined our fingers.

"Izuna, know that I love you-"

"Don't!" I said, voice cracking.

He sat up then, took me into his arms, held me close. "I love you. I love you I love you I love you." Over and over. "And I respect your decision."

I knew what he was talking about. He wasn't talking about the decision of us, but about my decision about the gene test. I had decided not to get the gene test done. Tobirama had been furious, entwining his fingers in his hair, breathing through gritted teeth, walking back and forth. I had been scared of him then, but that fury had not been directed at me. It had been directed at himself, he'd explained when we talked about it afterwards; at how not knowing felt as though someone had pulled the earth from beneath his feet and he was in free-fall. He said he was furious with himself because he felt he had no right to become so emotional about something that was my business, and my busyness alone. I'd explained my reasoning to him then, that it would have been one thing if the test could save my life, but as I was going to get screened for tumours every year now anyway, I saw no point. It wouldn't prolong my life.

Getting a gene test wouldn't change anything.

But there was also the decision of us, and that decision was not only mine.