Smoke

1.3

Some days, I wonder if you still miss me. Other days, I wonder why I still wonder.
- - - (ONE MONTH LATER)

Jack has came by three times each day in the last month, he comes once at 10:30AM and again at 5:30PM and he comes by at 11:11PM. My mom tells him I'm busy, she has also told me that I really need to talk to that boy and straighten things out. I understand I'm acting childish and unfair but seriously he told me flat out that I helped him forget his pain and I feel so used, digusted, and I don't think my momma understands that.

I've seen Jack each time he comes, and I know he sees me but he repects my mother and nods and leaves. He repeats that over and over and over each day but I believe it's truely out of pity and sympathy and I hate that, she trys to convince me to vist him once out of suprise but I can't find it in me to do so.

Yes I still love Jack, but I also strongly dislike him. I wouldn't say I hated him nor would I say I never wanted to see him again, because I do. Just not right now this.I still love him I feel it deep down in the pit of my stomach like a virus a beautiful one, one that eats you alive in the most cleanist of ways tricking you, convincing you that you're perfectly fine only to find that you're dying slowly.

"Go see him now." My mother says calmly sipping her cup of coffee "You look like you're about to cry ever second of the day." She smiles jokingly

I shrug gulping the rest of my own coffee down "I don't want to," I sigh ''And plus I don't know where he lives." I smile lightly

"I'll figure it out for you!" She shouts as I walk to the door "As they say I am a excellent stalker!" She laughs

"No one says that!" I chuckle walking out the door closing it behind me.

The cold greets me instantly wrapping around me like a second skin, the snow leaves a trail of my foot prints cleanly behind me. The weather took a turn and thought it would be fun to add another inch of snow along with freezing wind. I continue walking until my eyes land a park, I came to a lot when I was little, it wasn't crowded due to the change in weather but there was still a good amount of kids running around laughing and all. I walk towards the swings sitting down on one letting my feet graze the ground soundlessly.

∞

11:11PM flashes on the over clock, I hear my mother let out a heavy sigh as someone knocks on our door, once, twice, three times. My feet come in contact with the floor moving me towards the door on their own.

I hear my mother walk towards her room leaving me alone with Jack on the otherside of the door, I inhale sharply placing my hand on the knob regreting every move I make. I finally pull the door open my eyes connecting to his warm green eyes pulling me into them instantly, Home.It takes every atom in my body, every nerve, vein. Not to fall into his welcoming arms to get lost in his warmth, he's like a sun walking around warm, beautiful. And I hate it, I hate how perfect he is I hate the fact that I'm a number 1 and he's 10 I that so much.

"Winter" Jack says clinging to the name like a last breath "Winter." He repeats again like he's more aware of the fact that I am standing in front of him instead of my mother "Baby."

I felt like a puddle after he said that, he's never called me baby I've never been called that by a boy.

"Would it be wrong of me to completely forget about what happened last month and pull you close and never let you go?" He says like he isn't asking and I'm terrified.

"Ve-very wrong" I breathe out

Jack shakes his head like he doesn't hear me and he rushes towards me tangling me up in his arms placing his head on the crook of my neck inhaling sharply "I missed this," He says his voice muffled by my shirt "I miss your smell." When I try to fight his grip on me it feels like I'm going completely against my body betraying it almost, it's smooth flowing is now messed up my veins tangled, my throat closed with a lump throbbing to go along.

"Let go of me" I hiss fighting agaisnt Jack

"No" He bites back enclosing his arms tighter around me, he walks foward making me stumble in his grip.

My back comes in contact with a wall and he places his hands on either side of my head trapping me in, I almost scoff at his childish act.
His lips touch my shoulder ignoring my fighting, ice trails through out the rest of my shoulder freezing me, a shiver shoots down my spine. In a good way.

"Jack!" I shout fiercly finally breaking free of his grip "Yo-you can't do this! You ca-can't act like nothing happened or brush it under a rug to clean later! You screwed up something you can't repare so please I beg of you stop." My body racks out sobs that I've been fighting so close

"Baby please don't cry," Jack coos pressing my head to his chest "And Winter sweetie I can surely try my best to repare the mess I've made" He scoffs.

I shrug him off of me shoving him backward.
(LISTEN TO GIRL CRUSH BY LITTLE BIG TOWN)

"No what you can do though is get out of my house and find whatshername who left you and leave me alone!" I shout at him.

"Amanda." Jack says

"What?" I say grasping for air

"Her names Amanda." He corrects it seems a tint of anger fills his eyes

"Why would I want to know her name?" I say in utter shock and disgust

"Well you surrently shouldn't call her 'whatshername'" He scoffs

"Oh my god" I say

Why does this make me ache so bad?

Why is my heart pounding?

Is it jealousy?

I think I'm going to die.