Every Thing We Can't Have

she broke me once

iv.

He could hardly meet her eyes, specially when she was just wearing the simplest winter clothes yet looked so fresh and pretty. He ironed his clothes first before approaching her from the stairs. Being gentleman, Jongkook pulled Jihyo's chair and let her seat comfortably.

"What took you so long? Waiting for an hour isn't a joke particularly in this season" Jongkook grumbled hoping he would earn her sympathy and care.

"I'm sorry oppa. The traffic was really heavy"

He chuckled, "I was just joking" They ordered and had fun conversing with stuffs until they came to their personal lives.

The ambiance drastically change from amiable air to stiff, suffocating one. Jongkook was curious as to why Jihyo had shut her mouth in an instant like she was forbid to talk and doing otherwise would put her in quite danger.

"Are you okay? Are we? Did I offended you somehow?" fidgeting in his seat, he could not do more than ask and that irked him.

Jihyo heaved a sigh that baffled the sparta.

𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠 𝑖𝑡 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛? 𝐼𝑠 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑟𝑒𝑗𝑒𝑐𝑡 𝑚𝑒? 𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑓𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑦𝑒𝑡. 𝐴𝑚 𝑖 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑜𝑏𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠? - his mind reeled providing nothing.

"Actually oppa, I have something to tell you" with an eye pleading of an assurance that he would keep the secret. Jongkook understood the gesture and nodded knowingly.

"Go on. If that's a top secret, you can trust me"

"Kamsahamnida oppa. I have to admit that I could not focus on shooting the show with this secret bothering me for days. Its either it must be out to the public as soon as possible or I should let the members know at least, to ease the burden."

Jongkook swallowed nervously. He had a feeling that what she's about to say would crush him, finely. He braced himself and opened his mind. 

"I'm in a relationship oppa, with Chang Joo"

Jongkook almost spit his coffee out when he heard the real tea. "Baek Chang Joo? Your entertainment's C.E.O?"

"Ye oppa. Is it too shocking?"

𝐼𝑡'𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑐𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝐽𝑖ℎ𝑦𝑜 𝑦𝑎ℎ. 𝑀𝑦 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑟𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔. If he could just voice out his thought, those words will come out.

For a moment he was silent. How would you expect him to react when he fancy her secretly yet ended up being blowned with the dating news.

"What will happen to Monday Couple?" the only rational thing he could utter. His mind was still in mess.

"I talked to Gary oppa yesterday then after that met with the PD's. It's all settled now, I hope the fans would not protest,  instead respect my decision"

Jongkook grabbed the cup of coffee idling on the side table and emptied it in an instant while trembling.

"I'm sure the fans will understand" he set the cup down and erected from his seat. "Oh I did not notice of the time running. I still have a photoshoot to attend, do you mind jihyo shii?"

Jihyo smiled and hugged Jongkook without him knowing that he was on the verge of reciprocating the manner but tighter. She parted the embrace and for the last time, tap his back before Jongkook walked out of the scene. Jihyo had to stay, cause afterwards Chang Joo came.

When Jongkook finally was inside the confinement of his manager's car, he loosen his self from the tight grip of his emotion. His tears cascaded like a waterfall. It was so gay but he did not cared as his pain was too much too handle.

"Yah! Mwoya? You're ugly when you cry, I just want to let you know"

"Hajima hyung! Please let me sit in silence and vent this emotion before it could consumed me"

"Cry all your heart and let's talk about it later"

-

Bottles of Soju in both of Jongkooks hands, and chugged it in one go.

"Yah Kim Jongkook! You still have a shoot tomorrow. If you are wasted, you wont be able to do your job"

"Fuck that job hyung, I don't care. Aishh! I want to wake up from this nightmare, please punch me"

His manager who could not take to watch his kookie anymore, took his request and punch the shit out of him.

"Be a man. You are not to cry about things like this. You should not be affected as you cannot hold and dictates someone's life. So what if Jihyo shii have a boyfriend, does that makes you less of a man? NO! Wake up and face the reality, you idiot"

Jongkook with a binned face, transfixed his gaze to the manager who just scolded him.

"You cannot blame me hyung cause I never fucking like someone the way I do to her" He drank another glass and continued.

"I am not being idiot. I am digging a grave in my heart to let the pain rest and peace shall reign over me hyung. I am tired, my heart suffers the most and I could not let this emotion drags me down. Tomorrow, I shall wake up completely free from all these shits. I promise you that but please don't stop me from drinking"

"Ara ara! I'll just be here willing to listen to all your shits"

That night was the longest Jongkook and his manager had ever experienced.

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