first easter (first everything)

breakfast

i had barely left my room all week - well, mine and my sister's room. i maybe saw my brother a couple times since sunday.

so when i ran into the sleepy scene of breakfast cereal on the table, joining my family for the first time that week, it was... a moment.

"i'm april," i blurted out.

the clinking of spoons in bowls and slurping of cereal milk faded away. i don't know if that's because everybody stopped or if things stopped just for me.

"hey april," my brother said, surprisingly.

"i wanna go to school again," i continued awkwardly.

"honey, oh april that's such a beautiful name for my beautiful daughter," mom came over and held me, "so, listen, we need time to prepare your school for this, i can stay home from work and we can work on that... and get ready for tonight?"

i knew she was right. my teachers and administrators had no idea what was going on, my school wasn't my church which just turned things around and not everyone was guaranteed to understand. it was weird that i actually wanted to go to school though. maybe i would actually want to go to school from now on? what if i got bullied though? i would worry about that all weekend.

sara spoke next, "just chill out little sis, i mean april - oh, that is a cool name - so do you want word to get around or do you want to reveal everything yourself tonight and on monday?"

"uum," i hadn't thought about that.

sara said, "ok think about it and maybe let me know before i go to school or just text me if you have any thoughts about it, it might help to lay some groundwork with people we know will be cool with you maybe?"

"yeah okay, do that, i guess i'd really rather not have to tell everyone myself y'know? especially people i don't know very well," i mused.

"i'll group chat the girls and obviously some of them probably wouldn't keep their mouths shut even if i asked them not to tell anyone," said sara.

"i'm so excited for the sleepover tonight, i love y'all," i replied, "i'm gonna go come out on social media."

and i ran back to my room.

actually then i came back to the kitchen for a second, grabbed a cereal box from the table, then ran back to my room.

i would only spend a few hours trying to get ready for and take the very best selfie ever.