OLI’S POV
Vacantly I sat entranced in the television fastened to my wall. It was the only real connection I had left to the outside world, yet I never bothered to turn on the news. There would be no real point in me hearing about big events happening in a world that didn’t want me. Curling my knees to my chest, I continued to watch my current show about animals. I’d always loved them. They were all so accepting and fascinating. I’d always preferred them to humans. A small smile cracked on my lips, but soon faded when the squeak of my door filled my ears. “Olivia can I talk to you for a moment?” Dr. Casey asked, as she walked uninvited into my room. Without much of a choice, I nodded and muted the television. “Olivia,” she began, sitting lightly at the end of the bed. “I noticed you weren’t at your session with me today.” She said with a scolding, yet soft look on her face.
“So?” I asked, burrowing my face into my knees. “If you really wanted me there you would have sent a doctor or someone to get me.” I mumbled, looking back up at the TV. “Besides it’s not like you really want me there.”
Dr. Casey looked down somberly then up at me. “Honey, you know that’s not true. We all want you to get better, each and every one of us. But if you don’t go to your therapy and try it will be a much harder for you to adapt back into your normal life.” She told me sadly, taking my hand in hers. Without a second thought I shook it away, dropping my legs into butterfly position. I hated the way she lied to me. I hated the way all the doctors lied to me. None of them cared about me and I could tell. They were no better than the kids back home. At least the kids were honest with me.
I looked into her hazel eyes blankly and took a deep breath. “Did my dad call to take me home yet?” I asked, knowing her reply. She shook her head as always. “ I knew it.” I sighed quietly, wrinkling my blankets in my hands. “Did anyone come to visit me today?” I asked without bothering to look at her.
“No Olivia.” Dr. Casey sighed after a short pause.
“Then why should I bother to go to therapy?” I questioned harshly, raising my hands to my lower forearm. Without a second though I began to dig my nails into my arms, though not great enough to draw attention to it. “No one wants to talk to me not even my dad!” I stated coldly, clenching my jaw. “I sit alone all day and look after myself. I haven’t made any friends since I’ve been here, and I know it’s all my fault… In what way is this not my normal life? I’ve been this way my whole life. I already know how to deal with people not talking to me.” Dr. Casey opened her mouth to speak, but before she could I cut her off. “Just go away. I know that’s what you want to do.” I sighed, turning my back to her.
There were a few minutes of stalemated silence where we were both unsure of what to do or say. Finally I heard a rustle of the covers and a click of a pen. “Olivia did you eat breakfast today?” She asked, skipping completely to a new subject. I nodded as I had all the previous times. “We both know that that’s not true Olivia. I saw you give your food to Miranda again. ” She sighed, writing something down on her pad of paper. Then why did you ask me if I did? I wanted to ask. She continued to ask me things despite the fact that she already knew the answer. “This isn’t good for you. If you keep skipping therapy then you won’t recover form this. It’s serious Olivia and we want you to get better.”
“But… why?” I asked hollowly, turning to look at her with my tired eyes. “People don’t like me when I’m fat. If I don’t eat… I won’t be fat. Maybe people will like me more then.” I smiled lightly, looking her up and down. “You wouldn’t understand though. You’re already thin and perfect.”
A pained look crossed her face, as she wrote more things down. “I want you to try to listen to me this time okay? You are 5 foot 4. You are 92.2 pounds. You are not overweight. You are very underweight and if you keep this up you may not be able to have children. I know you don’t feel good enough about yourself, but you wont tell me why. You wont let me help you. Olivia, going to your therapy and opening up will help you to not only reach a normal weight, but also feel good about it while doing so. “ She said soothingly, trying her best to convince me. I just shrugged my shoulder and leaned forward, reaching into my backpack. Carefully I pulled out my journal and skimmed through the pages until I found the one I wanted. The whole time Dr. Casey stared intensely at me as if she’d made a remarkable breakthrough.
Taking a deep preparation breath, I flipped over to the page I needed. It was my least favorite page in the whole books, yet it was also the page I looked at the most. Well, it wasn’t so much one page as it was 5 and that was only the beginning. Pivoting around, I opened the page widely to her. “These are only some of the things that people have told me. These are only a few of the quotes that keep me from making the mistake of eating… this one’s my favorite.” I said in a childlike way, pointing down at the quote written in red colored pencil. Clearing my throat, I read it aloud. “ It was from the beginning of fifth grade and this girl in my class lost a lot of weight. Everyone asked her what made her want to lose the weight and she said ‘The other day I saw Olivia eating an ice cream cone. One look at her and I knew that I had to do everything in my power not to become fat like her.’…” I didn’t even bother looking down at the words as I spoke them. I knew them by heart. Each and every one of the hundreds of things people had said to me I had memorized.
“Olivia I-“
“They tell me the truth… they don’t lie like you. Please leave.” I begged, closing the book and holding it tightly to my chest.
Once again she opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. With a look of defeat, she began to leave my room. “If you don’t eat your lunch today Olivia, I’m going to have to take away privileges again.” She warned me, leaving without another word. As soon as the door was closed behind her I fell back into my bed, ignoring the sharp pain as my head it my wall. Burrowing under my covers, I curled myself into the tightest ball I could. Happily, I pushed the play button on my iPod and let my room fill with the melodies I loved. Letting the lyrics soak in, I closed my eyes and listened as he rest of the world melted away. She doesn’t want me to get better. She doesn’t need me and I don’t need her or her stupid privileges. I convinced myself, knowing that I was sure to lose them by noon. I don’t need anything…
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On the side is a picture of Oli that I drew. if you want to know more about her her character bio is here http://www.wattpad.com/10371448-my-random-characters-olivia-and-eddie-olivia
I hope you like it so far and please tell me what you think okay?
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They Say We're Insane
Ficção Adolescente"They all think you're weird... They think I'm weird too." Oli has been in the hospital for a long time. She needs help, but she wont take it. She wants to be normal more than anything, but she can't. Nothing is working for her and she doesn't know...
