Sleep Deprivation Poems

Title-less. For now.

I wrote this one like a month ago and it's the first one I did. I did another the other day. I'll post that one after I fix it up a bit. Enjoy!

Everyone tries to find words for themselves.

Instead, they find words that others have formed,

created,

concocted.

We try to find words to describe how we feel.

To find words to help let the world know who we are.

But instead,

we just let it all congeal.

We let it turn to this goopy mush until we no longer know what it is.

We sit.

We wait.

And we hold it all in until we crack,

and break,

and splinter.

We just sit there using others' ideas,

others' words,

others' brains

to help piece it all together.

I could sit here and say that it feels like I have two souls in my body fighting a war no one can win.

But those aren't my own words.

Instead,

I can say that it feels like there are two halves of me,

Ripping me apart,

looking for answers.

Are those my own words?

I don't know.

Are those my own thoughts?

I don't know.

Because I let myself turn into that goop.

Into that rubber band ball of emotions.

No one knows what is at the center of it,

And no one will ever know without a lot of work.

And it often turns out to just be a load of crap.

But sometimes you might get that gem.

You might get that rubber band ball that has a bouncy ball in the center.

Other times, you spend so much time

So much effort

to find something,

ANYTHING

Only to realize it was just nothing.

It was just the messed up,

messy center amongst all the chaos.

So you toss it and you start again.

But by the time you are finished,

You once again no longer know what,

Or who,

Is at the center.

Is it someone bright and happy?

Or is it just another depressing lump of coal?

(309 words.)