For the Love of Lotus

IV

As I walk through Gusu, my heart shatters and a shard falls each step I take. I trudge inside the inn.
      
Mian-Mian waits for me inside. She bows respectfully. "Child Jin, everything has been taken care of," she frowns, "Is something troubling you?"

Startled, I blink a few times. "Do not worry. I am merely lost in thought." I walk over to a set table with my head held high. I take a seat, propping Suihua up against the table. I elegantly pick up the cup of tea and take a sip. I slowly roll the liquid around my tongue, getting a slightly bitter taste. "The tea is rather stale." I set the cup back down, grabbing Suihua as I stand.

The innkeeper bows his head in apology. "I am deeply sorry, Child Jin."

I ignore the man as I follow Mian-Mian upstairs. "Is the entire inn rented out?" I ask casually.

"...As you have asked, Child. The only problem encountered was having to force the disciples from the Yunmeng Jiang Sect to leave," she answers.

I freeze at her words. "Was Lady Jiang amongst them?"

"Yes, accompanied by her brother and Child Wei."

Anger flashes across my face. I cannot tolerate him at all, however, I could use that to my advantage. Maybe I can do something to force my parents to end the engagement. I compose myself and stride down the hallway. I stop in my tracks when I see three people exit one of the rooms.

They walk towards us, stopping merely to leave three feet of space between us. They lock their eyes on me.

Jiang Yanli stands between the other two, dressed plainly.

On her right stands Jiang Wanyin with a bag slung over one of his shoulders and his arms crossed.

Wei Wuxian holds his sword in one hand as he glares at me. "Junior Child Jin, why have you rented the entire inn? Surely you haven't brought more disciples than allowed," he says annoyingly.
      
One of the Jin disciples takes a step forward. "How dar—"
      
I raise a hand. I must do this myself. "Child Wei, I do believe you have lost all sense of respect. Is this what they teach you in Yunmeng? If so, I feel terrible for anyone wanting to marry those from the sect," I retort.
      
Wuxian looks furious, raising a hand as if to slap me.
      
Yanli stops him. "A'Xian, it's no use to argue. Let us go." She leads Wanyin and Wuxian away.
      
When Child Wei passes by me, I smirk. "And my parents want me to marry such a plain, weak, and ill-mannered woman," I mutter. I feel Wuxian's gaze as he glares back at me.
      
"Junior Child Jin! I do not wish for my Senior Sister to marry a peacock!"
      
I ignore his words as I strut down the hallway to my room. I slide open the door and step inside.
      
Mian-Mian hurries in and fixes the incense burner. "Child Jin, you really shouldn't treat Lady Jiang like that. I know it's not my place to say, but I do not wish for you to be punished by Madam Jin."
      
I know she's right, but I will not let my parents control my life anymore. "Mian-Mian, there is no need to concern yourself with such matters."
      
Mian-Mian bows her head. "My apologies, Child. I shall take my leave." She leaves me alone with my thoughts once again.
      
I don't regret antagonizing Wei Wuxian. I know that the only way to rid myself of this ridiculous engagement is to irritate him by insulting her.

For Lian, a voice says at the back of my mind.
      
I haven't been able to forget her since leaving Cloud Recesses. I wasn't told, but I know Lian carries my child. I clench my fists in my lap. I shake my head as I lay down on the bed. I don't bother to change my robes or take my boots off. I close my eyes, shutting off all thoughts.
      
The morning wakes me with its harsh rays.
      
I sit up, my head spinning. I didn't sleep well last night and I don't think the incense did anything. I stand up and fix my robes.
      
Today is the day.
      
The studies and lectures in Gusu will begin, starting with an introductory lecture this afternoon.
      
The door slides open and Mian-Mian steps inside. "Child Jin, everyone is ready to depart as soon as you are."
      
I nod. "We shall depart in a few minutes. I would prefer arriving earlier rather than late. I also wish to put down any rumors stemming from my visit to Cloud Recesses as swiftly as possible." I begin smoothing down my hair.
     
Mian-Mian nods and goes to rejoin the others.

I take a few moments to compose myself. No matter how much I want to, I cannot rush to Lian nor kiss her. I sigh heavily. I don't want to, but I must control myself while in Cloud Recesses. I leave my room, joining the disciples downstairs.

All eyes turn to me after I step out of the inn.

Mian-Mian sends the others a scolding look before joining me. "My apologies," she begins whispering, "They heard a rumor about you. I have quieted them."

I nod in thanks, walking to the front of our group. I ignore the whispers as I begin walking. I keep my head held high, despite anyone who may have been giving me strange looks.

One of our younger disciples steps up beside of me after a moment of hesitation. He looks at his feet as he asks, "Child Jin, can you please tell me the truth?"

"What truth do you wish to know?" I reply calmly. I have a feeling I already know what he wants to ask. And I'm willing to speak only the truth.

The disciple fidgets with one of his sleeves. "Some say that you are flippant like Sect Leader Jin. I do not believe it to be so. What is the truth?"

I stop walking and place a hand upon his shoulder. "I admire you for wanting the truth. The truth is that I truly love Lady Lan, and I am seeking an engagement with her," I explain.

The disciple smiles up at me. "I knew it. You are trustworthy and loyal."

I chuckle as we continue walking. I feel so much better now. "Tell me your name."

The disciple smiles brightly. "It's Yifan."

"Well, Yifan. I am thankful you sought the truth before listening to rumors. You will be very wise in the future." I allow him to walk beside me as we continue on our way.

Yifan reminds me of the child I often see in my dreams.

The child in my dreams is elegant and energetic in everything he does. He has black hair decorated with gold. A vermilion mark sits between his dark eyes.

My eyes widen at the realization.

That child will be my son.

Lian carries my son.

I must speak with her as soon as I'm able to. I will not let anything or anyone tear me away from my unborn son.

Elder Lan did say he would speak with Sect Leader Jiang about the engagement.

I hope he will allow me to join them. I know how stubborn my parents are, meaning that the best way to handle things is through Elder Lan and Sect Leader Jiang. Until things are resolved, I will have to keep up my arrogant act.

Lian will hurt, but she will live through it. She's a strong one, and I know she trusts me. Why else would she carry my child?