For the Love of Lotus

IX

I feel as if time has robbed us all. I walk, accompanied by Lian, down the steps that lead to the gates of Cloud Recesses. I do not wish to go.
         
"A'Xuan, must you return to Lanling?" Lian asks as she takes my hand.
         
I stop walking and face my betrothed. I gently squeeze her hand. "You know that my heart wishes I could stay. But Lanling is my home and I must return. It is more than enough for you to see me off."
         
We continue walking in silence. Once we reach the town, we find ourselves amongst a fight between the Lanling Jin disciples and those of Yunmeng Jiang.
         
I give Lian an apologetic look before rushing over to the others. "What is going on here?"
         
The Lanling Jin disciples immediately bow apologetically.
         
Mian-Mian and Yifan shuffle forward.
         
"My apologies, Child Jin. Everything was merely a misunderstanding," Mian-Mian answers.
         
I turn my attention to the Yunmeng Jiang disciples.
         
They have been quite temperamental since Elder Lan announced Lian's engagement to me.
         
"You have every right to be angry with me, but that does not mean you should be disrespectful. The decision is final and nothing is going to change that," I scold.
         
Finally, Yanli steps forward. "A'Cheng, go and wait for me at the inn with the others. Allow me to speak to Child Jin and Lady Lan alone."
         
Jiang Wanyin hesitates, but does as he's asked. He grabs Wei Wuxian's arm and drags him along with the other disciples.
         
Lian steps up beside me and takes my hand. "We are listening. What matter do you ask to speak of?" she asks sweetly.
         
Yanli smiles. "I would like to congratulate both of you on your engagement. While I am happy for you, I also worry. During the times we have studied together, I have observed both of you. Are you sure you can make each other happy?" She seems concerned about us.

But I feel like there is more to it. I offer Lady Jiang a reassuring smile. "I can promise you that we already make each other happy, Lady Jiang." I turn to see Lian's precious smile.

Yanli forces one of her own. "Forgive me for worrying. I am only worried about Lady Lan, for she has always been a good friend to me."

Lian smiles brightly. "And I am grateful to have such a kind friend as yourself," she turns to me, "I apologize for not being able to accompany you further, A'Xuan. But my father asks that I hurry back. I promise to send you a letter regarding what the physician says." Lian pecks me on the cheek and squeezes my hand. She offers a farewell to Yanli and goes back to Cloud Recesses.

I don't have to look back to know that Lan Xichen followed us in order to accompany Lian on her way back. I begin walking to the inn.

Yanli hurries up beside me. "Is everything alright with Lady Lan?"

"Yes. She has also asked that no one other than her closest confidants be informed of anything regarding her health."

"I see. I hope she is well," Yanli frowns, "I suppose I shall see you at the wedding in Jinlintai." She forces another smile.

We walk the rest of the way in silence.

I steal a glance at Yanli.

She seems upset. Yanli has every right to be, but her nature won't allow her to act upon it. Jiang Yanli might have too much pent-up anger. She can hide it all she wants, but she will break and at that time, nothing will stop it.

I walk by the Yunmeng Jiang disciples without even looking. I rejoin Mian-Mian and the others. "I hope no one has given you trouble."

"Child Jin, do not worry about it. I shall keep the others in line if you wish it," Mian-Mian replies.

I admire her loyalty and respect her character. I have never met such an outspoken disciple before. "Thank you. Have all the arrangements been made?" I ask.

Mian-Mian nods. "Everything has been taken care of. Sect Leader Jin and Madam Jin are expecting you. I made them promise to treat you well regardless of how they feel towards the engagement," she gets a worried look in her eyes, "Please tell me you didn't do or say something awful to get our Sect Leader to change his mind."

I have never understood why Mian-Mian worries over me. "I promise you that I haven't. I was summoned by Sect Leader Jiang and he asked to hear what I thought about the marriage. He was the one who sent the letter. I also promise that I did not speak ill of Lady Jiang when we spoke," I ramble in haste.

Mian-Mian nods thoughtfully. She fixes the incense burner before leaving.

I'm left alone to ponder everything that has happened within the time spent in Cloud Recesses. I know what Mian-Mian said, but I know my mother will be angry.

She has had her eyes on the engagement with Yanli since I was a babe. My mother will be furious with me.

I still feel unsure about being left alone with my parents. I know what awaits me when I arrive in Lanling, regardless of what anyone tells me.

I wake to nervousness and fear. I hold a letter in my hand that was awaiting me on the bedside table.

Mian-Mian left the parchment to inform me that she and the rest of the Lanling Jin disciples chose to depart on foot. She wants me to fly on Suihua and arrive ahead of schedule.

I sigh.

Mian-Mian wants to give me time to ease my parents into the engagement. I already owe her a lot, but she wouldn't want anything in return. I climb out of bed and fix my robes. I unsheathe Suihua once I get outside the town of Gusu. I take a deep breath and step onto the sword, taking off.

The view is beautiful and the scenery magnificent.

If only I could admire it all. I force my sword to speed towards Lanling. I would rather get the confrontation over with before anyone else witnesses it. Nervousness pools in the pit of my stomach when Jinlintai comes into view. I hope and pray I don't attract attention.

Soon, all the servants of Jinlintai gather below me, looking up. They begin waving their arms.

I roll my eyes, not flying lower until I reach the roof above my quarters. I stop Suihua, gracefully jumping off. I sheathe my sword and take a deep breath. I walk to the edge of the roof. Spotting my mother sitting under one of the gazebos in the garden, I jump down and compose myself. I hastily stride over to the gazebo. "Mother," I greet as I bow respectfully.

Mother waves me over with her hand.

I join her, gracefully taking a seat and propping Suihua up against the table. I watch as a servant pours two cups of tea. "Mother, before you express your anger on the subject, please allow me to explain."

"My son, is it true you harbor feelings for Lady Lan?"

I meet my mother's eyes. "I would never lie to you. It's true. Ever since I first spoke with her, I have felt an unwavering attraction towards Lady Lan. I also believe that an alliance with the Gusu Lan Sect will prove more reliable and advantageous. I deeply apologize if you are angry with me."

Silence envelops us and no one dares to speak.

"Zixuan," my mother says gently, "I am not angry. The Gusu Lan Sect is better for an alliance."