Until I found you - Bucky Barnes

Three - Staying up

song : staying up - the neighborhood

You walk into the apartment. It's one you hadn't seen before, it has white brick walls, wood floors. There are twinkling lights hung up around the walls. Rose petals are scattered on the floor. Candles that are vanilla scented are lit.

"The way you look tonight" plays in the background. That song was playing when you first met Dean. It is beautiful, as if someone had looked into your mind and painted this. You look out the window, the view is spectacular. Better than what you have at your apartment.

"Dean.. what is this?" You ask looking around, smiling . "It's our home," he walks closer to you. His beautiful green eyes always let you know that things were okay. But right now they weren't. They weren't giving you the reassurance that you need. The need for calmness, tranquility.

Our home ?

"What?" You ask looking around.
"Doll, I love you so much. I know that we are meant to spend our lives together,so if you would let me" he gets down on one knee. Pulling a black box from his pocket.

No, no, no.

You never decided on anything. You didn't get a choice on what apartment he picked, or when this was happening. It's too early, not now. Not ever.

"Dean I-
"Will you marry me?" He asks, with love and commitment shining through his words.  What the hell ? You never-
"Dean, why would you choose this apartment without me !" You exclaim, walking around. He stays on his knee for awhile. Until he notices that you won't accept the ring. He slowly gets off his knee, and closes the box. "It was suppose to be a surprise, doll," he speaks in a soft voice.

"Stop calling me that! Dean if you wanted to move in together, this could've been the way to ask! Not-
"Not what?" He scoffs.
"Not this," you point at the ring. "y/n, I love you and I think now is the time-
"No, now is not the time! Now is the time to talk about maybe moving in. But you skipped a thousand steps.. you want to get married?" You ask in a skeptical voice.

You had never thought of marriage with Dean. Relationships go somewhere yes, but you liked where you were. Dean doesn't have control over you. There's not going to be a paper with both of your names on it. He's not going to be able to tell you what to do with your body, with your mind.

"I thought this is what we both wanted," he answers in a firm tone. "We ? We? Dean I have told you a thousand times, that I am not made for this,"

"Then why are you still with me? You know I want marriage, a house. Our own house. Childre-
"Don't you finish that," you point to his face. "I'm with you because I love you. If you knew me at all, you would know that I don't want this," you bring your hands to your hair. Brushing it out with your fingers.

How could he think this ? You've always said that you don't want to get married. Was this decision made on impulse ?

"We've been together for 3 years," he states. "Your point ?" You ask in a spiteful manner.
"My point is that we should be progressing, but we're going no where. You still live with Sharon, you still pay for your own things. You won't ever let me buy you things. You don't ever let me take care of you when you're sick. You may be okay with where we are, but I'm not," he snaps. His face is red with anger.

"Dean, you never told me you wanted any of this until 2 years ago and by that time I couldn't leave because-
"Because what? Because you didn't want to be alone ?" He finishes your sentence. "Because I love you dean,"
"Dean.. this isn't love if we keep hurting each other," you manage to get the words out of you mouth.