Free? | n.g.

7.

i woke up in bed, how did i get here?. Where was alyssa? why are my eyes tearful? a million questions were in my mind right now

then it hit me, nash, last night, me opening up

what was i thinking? i mentally slapped myself for telling him, im not even sure if i trust him fully

you idiot!

i traced my scars as a new tweet was sent in

@Ily2u: shut the fuck up slut, we all know ur hooking up with @nashgrier for fame @carmella

tears filled my eyes, hate can get to me sometimes, this one hurt me so much i dont know why, it just did

@JackO: its been long bitch, where the fuck r u? @carmella

my ex-boyfriend (@JackO) tweeted me and tears were endlessly flowing

the hate really got to me. It was weird knowing i had to fake a smile, force a laugh and not break down in front of everyone

i fixed myself and wore my unicorn onesie

i set up the camera and lights and prepared myself for the camera

"whats up guys? so..yes.. the title" i faked a smile "i will finally respond to hate in twitter, so let's get started shall we?" i said and got my laptop

"@23232323 says that i am seeking attention and is just a 12 year old bitch" i read aloud

"okay 23232323, i am eighteen years old, i am fully educated and i am not seeking for attention, girl that's just low" i faked sass

"@somekiddo says that i should go fuck myself instead of boys" "oh hun-ney, i am still a virgin, and i will keep it that way until marrige, mkay?" i said

"@lastinedem says, go rot in hell" "oh trust me, ive been there and ive tried to, but sadly, it didnt work, trust me" i said
"@sassidysasssass said to go kill myself" i smiled and paused the camera a tear escaped my eye as i ran to the bathroom the blade dug deep to my skin and blood trickled down my wrist i cleaned up the blood and rolled down the sleeves of my onesie

"trust me sassidysasssass, ive tried so many many times, but sadly all of them failed" i said to the camera

"@gorgsaa says that i am pretty....pretty ugly" "aww, thanks, babe happy to know" i said

"well, that's all i have for you guys today, i am so sorry it's alittle bit short, but it's fine because next week video will be quite a surprise" i said and turned the video off and started editing it

ding ding

from alyssa👑:
dude, im in a fakin zombie apocalypse, victoria secret is having a sale, and literally it was world war

to alyssa👑:
you okay though? and bring me something like food or a shirt or shorts or maybe something for muffin x

from alyssa👑:
mkay gurl, brb ppl are being rude

to alyssa👑:
good luck girl 👑❤️💕

from alyssa👑:
i'll try bye x

to alyssa👑:
byee xx

"hey muffin" i said as she hopped on next to me

i got my vlogging camera and turned it on "good morning unicorns! i am here today with my pup, muffin. I got her yesterday for my birthday" i said showing muffin

"but yeah, im just editing next weeks video, its gonna be called responding to in denial fans" i said

ding dong

"hold up, someones at my door" i said getting up stopping the camera

i opened the door and it was nash "hey nash" i said "hey" he said gretting me with a hug "nice onesie" he said as i laughed

"come in" i said as he came in sitting on the couch

"how are you?" he asked as i rubbed my wrist "im getting there, thanks for asking" i smiled for real this time "are you sure? how are you feeling?" he asked worry filled his eyes as i laughed "im fine really, nash. Its okay, im fine the depression is tuning down abit, the anxiousness is okay, my head its fine and i hadnt had a panick attack in weeks" i said as he smiled "good" he said hugging me

"thank you" i said "for what?" he asked "for actually caring" i said as he smiled "im here for you, that's what people are for" he said squeezing my shoulder abit to comfort me

"what day is it today?" i asked nash "sunday..?" he said "oh, okay" i smiled "let's get in-n-out" he suggested "yeah" i said as we walked to the nearest IN-N-OUT place