Soul ties (Bucky Barnes AU)

Part 9

"If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world ?"

 "Can I come in?" 

  It was Bucky's voice – of course it was. You tried wiping your tears away before speaking. A part of you didn't care if he saw you crying, but you still hated when you couldn't hold back the tears.

  "Yes." Your voice was husky from the crying and you weren't sure he'd heard you until he opened the door. You were still on your knee, unable to even look at him.  Bucky seemed to understand talking wasn't really what you wanted at the moment. Instead, he kneeled next to you and unexpectedly wrapped his arms around your shaking body. You'd noticed how rare it was for him to touch people ; even tapping Steve's shoulder seemed to hardly ever occur to him. Your shaking stopped instantly as you gave into his embrace, leaning against his chest.

  "He was about to call me a whore, wasn't he?" 

  Had it been Steve, he would've told you no in an effort to comfort you. But Bucky radiated blatant honesty when he talked to you, which you appreciated more than you would say. 

  "It doesn't mean he's right," he said. 

  "Maybe not. But that's still the word he wanted to call his wife. How did I even- fuck." You shook your head. "How did I ever fell for his tricks? I knew his friends were trash but...I thought he was the exception. I never thought he'd act like this with me."

  "Act how? Rude?" Bucky asked, unsure about what you exactly meant.

  "Yeah. The neglect has been going on for years, you know." You looked up at him and got out of his arms to sit properly. It didn't take him long to take a seat next to you, leaning his back against your bed. "I just put it all on his job." You grabbed Bucky's hand : you'd never needed to touch him as much as you did now. Something in the controlled way he breathed and the warmth of his skin helped you think straight and prevented you from spiralling. 

  "Is it the first time he insults you?"

  "Openly? Yeah." You sighed. "He's been petty before but calling me names...never."

  "I'm afraid to ask this, but I have to." He looked you in the eyes, searching for...what, exactly? "He was pretty violent when he grabbed your shirt. Was that the first time as well?"

  The question made you look away once more. Inexplicable guilt flooded your body as you tried to think of some lie. You leaned your head back on the mattress and closed your eyes, opting for honesty.

  "No."

  You could almost hear Bucky's jaw clenching ;  his other hand formed a fist, whereas the one holding yours remained gentle. 

  "He's never been violent intentionally," you quickly explained. "It's just... We've had our fights, alright? And when we start yelling at each other, I always tell him we both need to calm down but that doesn't suit me so he tries to stop me from leaving the apartment and...well. It goes from grabbing my arm a little too hard or just locking the door and hiding the keys. He even threw them out the window once."

  Recalling those fights didn't help your tears stop rolling on your cheeks but damn, it felt good to actually say it to someone. Wanda never needed you tell her things : she could just read them when she felt like you were lying. With Bucky, it was different. You actually wanted to tell him what had happened.