The Things You Mean to Me // Harry Styles Series #1 - Holmes Chapel

I Feel Myself Running Out Of Time

The five days leading up to the audition seemed to go by at a snail's pace. Harry and I were both distracted, by what had happened between us and by what was coming. Our closest friends knew that Sunday's outcome could change Harry's life forever. They didn't know that we had already changed irrevocably. That secret was for us alone.

Six of us went with him to Manchester: Anne, Robin, Gemma, his aunt Dee and cousin Ben, and myself. I was a little nervous about meeting Gemma, and planned to stay in the background. I felt like his family really needed to come first.

I woke up at five o'clock Sunday morning and dressed, grabbing a long olive colored scarf that Harry liked on my way out the door. I left my hair down for Harry, and put on a little more makeup than usual for the cameras. Evidently there would be cameras.

As soon as I arrived at the house, Anne handed me a white t-shirt that said "We think Harry has the X-Factor." We all had them. When I came out of the powder room with mine on, she smiled.

"I should have gotten mediums for us, love... oh well, the message will be highly visible!"

Gemma was putting the finishing touches on Harry's hair when I got there, and they didn't come down for a few minutes. When they did, Harry came over and hugged me tight, sneaking a quick kiss before introducing me to his sister. She was polite, and focused on her brother. I was polite and didn't get in the way. So we were cool.

The scene at the arena was crazy. Harry got his number and we joined the line. As a camera crew approached us Harry reached out, pulled the scarf from my neck, and looped it around his.

"For luck," he whispered.

~

Everyone knows what happened that day.

Dad was patient when I got home, listening to me go on and on about it all. He told me later that I said, "But Dad, you just don't understand how important this is!" about ten times. The funny part is that he really didn't understand until the hype started to hit in the US, months later. 'Look at Harry...' he said, wide eyed, 'He really did it!' Dad is so cute.

I was pulled from sleep an hour before dawn on the morning after the audition by the clichéd sound of pebbles on my bedroom window. Harry was on the back terrace, smiling up at me. I made my way silently downstairs and opened the back door.

"Come watch the sunrise with me?" He was in his school uniform, bookbag in hand.

"Give me five minutes to get dressed."

It was more like ten, but soon enough we were walking through the dark.

"Where are we going?" I whispered.

"To school. There's a spot on the roof with a ladder and no security cameras. It's perfect."

The view to the east across Holmes Chapel was lovely; we could just see the southernmost hills of the Peak District National Park from our elevated perch. Harry had brought a light blanket which we wrapped over ourselves as we cuddled close.

"I'm sorry I didn't really get to see you much yesterday. It's was a madhouse. But it meant the world to me that you were there; thank you."

"Harry, that was probably the coolest thing I'll ever do. When you said 'Boo" to Louis, I almost died. I don't know how you got to sleep last night."

He laughed, "I didn't. Gemma and I stayed up all night. She liked you. I told her I was coming to get you this morning and she said she'd cover for me, say that I'd gone for a run to work off the adrenaline. Oh, what about your dad?"

"I left him a note that I was meeting you early to go to the bakery for breakfast. Honestly, I don't think he's going to give me a hard time about you from here on out. He's worried I'm going to fall apart when... you know."

Harry pulled me even closer, nuzzling his nose behind my ear. It seemed to be his favorite place, and I was happy for him to hang out there.

"Do you think you will?"

"No. Not fall apart. I'll be sad. Really sad. But I know we'll always remember each other, always. You don't forget your first, and we're pretty fantastic firsts. And we love each other." He turned away. "Harry, I can see that you're holding back those tears. You don't have to."

He sniffled quietly once, then again, before he took my chin in his hand and brought my face around to his, pressing his lips and wet cheeks against mine. We missed the sunrise.

~

The girls cornered me at lunch, Kiki demanding, "Why didn't you text us yesterday, right away? I can't believe you didn't tell us he got through!" Harry had let the Band Bunch know that morning.

"It wasn't my news to share, and I don't think we're really supposed to be talking about it anyway. Harry and Anne had to sign waivers and agreements and contracts, and I don't want to blow it for him by saying something I shouldn't."

"Ok, ok," Emma was using her soothing voice, "is there anything you can tell us?"

"Well... Nicole has the kindest, prettiest voice, I didn't like Louis at all, and Simon was a lot nicer than I expected. But maybe that was because Harry killed it. Simon really seemed to like him. I can't wait to see how far he gets in the competition."

"Will you be able to watch it? Do they air it in America?" Emma looked very concerned.

"No, they don't, but I'm hoping I'll be able to find it online. I don't think it even starts until September, so I have some time to figure it out."

"Won't it be terribly hard? The girls are going to go insane for him..." Now it was Kiki's turn to worry on my account.

"It'll be hard. It might be too hard for me to watch. I won't know until it happens." I shook my head, wanting to change the subject. "I'm more interested in what's happening here, specifically in two weeks, on the twenty fourth."

As we compared thoughts on the prom itself and the party at Emma's, I caught a glimpse of Harry, surrounded by students, across the courtyard. Evidently word had gotten out. Callum was looking petulant as Sammi pressed herself to Harry's side, batting her eyelashes as she looked up at him. I hadn't spoken a word to either of them in weeks, observing their miserable relationship from afar.

According to courtyard talk, she was only with him because he was the hottest guy in school – arm candy and status - and he was only with her because she let him fuck her now and then if he gave her something nice. Very healthy. 

As Harry slid into the chair next to mine a few minutes later in history, he leaned over and spoke softly in my ear.

"Sammi propositioned me, with Callum right there. I'm sure he knew what she was doing and didn't care."

"I saw her hanging on you. What sad people."

"Yeah, you and I, we don't want to be like them."

He kissed me quick as lightning before the teacher caught him.

~

It struck me out of the blue a few days later that I was less than three weeks away from leaving. I was determined to keep on top of my studies, even though I knew I was probably ahead of my classmates at Weston High, so I focused a lot on schoolwork. It helped me forget what was coming.

There was a little crying, usually alone in my room after I went up to bed. Never in front of Harry. I didn't want to ruin the time remaining with him, especially when he was so excited about the competition. So we walked together to and from school, hand in hand, and stole kisses in the courtyard.

The weekend after the audition Dad went with Emma's father for a day of golf. Obviously, Harry came over as soon as Dad left. He told Anne exactly where he was going and who would – and wouldn't – be there and she just told him not to do anything foolish. I told Dad who would be coming over and he just told me to be safe and smart. Our parents were definitely giving us some serious leeway.

As Harry left just before sunset, I considered that if it kept getting this much better every time, then by the time a person was in their thirties sex must be indescribable.