The Things You Mean to Me // Harry Styles Series #1 - Holmes Chapel

Just Promise You'll Remember

Harry approved of my eyelet sundress with its full skirt. It was completely feminine and made me feel pretty. I kept my hair down, pulled back from my face with a narrow ribbon.

He looked very dapper himself, in khaki trousers and a blazer over a white t-shirt. I wondered what people would think as we walked through the neighborhood, and hoped the sight of us all dressed up would make them smile. Of course, with the two large backpacks we carried, they might have thought we were running away.

The clearing by the river was so beautiful in the first of May sunshine. Two pink flowered trees flanked the large one over the bench, which was fluttering with pale green leaves in the slight breeze. A weeping willow on the riverbank actually trailed tendrils in the swift flowing water, and wild violets blanketed the shaded stretches of grass. 

My hope to see England in the full bloom of spring had been realized.

We ate in the sunshine, soaking up the rays that were a rarity in this corner of the country. Afterwards, we went down to the river to stand in the cold current, laughing as minnows explored our toes, playing Pooh Sticks. When our feet had turned a subtle shade of blue we pulled the quilt under the great tree, where we sat beside one another, arms wrapped around our knees.

We both knew it had to happen. Harry said it first.

"I don't like today. Now I'm one step closer to being two steps far from you. This is it, isn't it? This is the end..." He turned away, sniffling, his chin wobbling so hard as he tried not to cry.

It was killing me.

"Harry, we knew this was going to happen from the day that we first met, but I don't think we ever expected to feel like we do. To love and to be in love.

"I'm going to go home and go to my own prom that I couldn't care less about, and fall back in with my friends. You're going to go to London and be famous. You're going to write the song you promised me. But we won't forget this. Ever. Even if we never see each other again."

I had done so well up to that last sentence. And then I fell apart. And so did he.

I don't know how long we stayed there, holding each other, crying until we had no tears left. Our trembling, hitching breaths evened out. We lay back, watching the bright blue sky glint through the boughs above us.

He turned to lean against me, tracing my face with his fingers, kissing me.

"Please, Olivia. One last time. Here, in my place. Our place. May we?"

How could I refuse those eyes, that voice, my own body that wanted the same?

~

Neither of us said a word as we walked up the farm lane, in the falling twilight. I don't think he could find the words to say before he left me that day. He stayed until Dad very gently reminded us that it would be an early start in the morning. After one long, last kiss, I heard him begin to sob as he turned away and started down the path toward his house.

Dad let me cry all over him for a long, long time, until I was too tired to cry anymore. Exhausted, I slept a dreamless sleep.

The alarm woke me at five o'clock, and by seven we were packed and ready to go. As we passed Harry's house on the way out of town I thought, oh Harry, you don't know what you've done to my heart. I'm pretty sure I actually felt a piece of it break off. I left it in Holmes Chapel that day.

~

I'm writing this a year after I left Cheshire. I don't want the memories to fade, so I've put it all down and will tuck it in Emma's scrapbook.

Harry didn't win X-Factor. He did a million times better.

There were a few awkward phone calls after I got home, and then nothing - I haven't heard from him since the competition began, and that's ok. At first I cried a lot, and then not so much, and now almost never. How can I be sad when I see him thriving, living his dream? 

No matter where we go and what we do, I know we'll both carry a tiny piece of each other in our hearts. You never forget your first, and we were pretty fantastic.

Weston, Maryland, May 2011