Wolf Pup (WinterFalcon)

Ch 1

Pre TFATWS

It had been recommended by his therapist. At first Bucky resented the idea, but eventually he began to give in. It started with a stuffed dog. Nothing more. In a way it helped him feel safe. Then she suggested his get a pacifier to stop him from biting his nails or chewing on his hair when he got stressed. Resenting that idea as well he debated just cutting his hair, but eventually settled on the pacifier. It actually helped.

From there he began to get more into the idea. But he never told anyone. In fact he hadn't even directly told his therapist that he had been using the method she had suggested. No one else knew, and that was how Bucky intended to keep it.

One thing lead to another and Bucky found age regression. A coping mechanism where a person reverts back to a younger mindset. That he resented most of all. But as time went on the idea seemed to be more and more appealing to him. He already had a stuffed animal and a pacifier, what harm could trying it do?

Bucky never let it become a regular thing. He would only do it if he really needed to. When it was almost impossible to stay big. And right now he needed to. 

Bucky had hardly slept at all over the last week. The nightmares had been particularly bad. On the nights he could fall asleep, he didn't want to. And on the nights he wanted to, he couldn't. Eventually exhaustion would get the better of him and he'd fall asleep, only to be woken a few hours later by blood and gun shots. He couldn't get the images out of his head. 

Bucky hadn't even realized he was feeling little until it was too late. His headspace had creeped up on him. One minute he was trying to clean up his dinner and the next he was on the ground, having been startled by a loud nock on his door. He didn't want to see anyone. 

"Hey, Bucky. You home." A voice called from the other door.

"G'way." Bucky mumbled, no one would have heard him but it was all he could muster.

Then Bucky remembered, he never locked his door. He always locked his door, but he had been so tired he forgot when he got home. Bucky scrambled to his feet to lock it and keep whoever it was trying to get to him out. 

In his frantic efforts he knocked over the chair at his kitchen table. Startled once again by the loud noise Bucky ended up knocking the plate he had been washing off the counter top. The sound of the glass shattering was enough to send Bucky into a complete panic.

Bucky curled up against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest. He covered his ears and began to cry. There were too many noises. He wanted it all to be over.

Sam grew concerned when he still hadn't heard Bucky reply. Then he heard something crash to the ground, then glass breaking. Bucky was home. So why wasn't he answering. Even if he wasn't wanted Sam would always get answer from Bucky at least.

Sam knocked again, "Bucky? It's Sam. You okay, man?"

No reply again. Sam tried the door. It was unlocked. Bucky never left his door unlocked. Sam threw the door open. He found the kitchen area in disarray, but the rest of the small space seemed to be fine. Sam quickly found Bucky, curled up on the floor, and completely terrified. 

"Whoa, Bucky." Sam knelt down next to Bucky, "Calm down. It's alright. What happened?" 

"No!" Bucky cried, "G'way."

"Buck-" Sam began, reaching out for the other man.

"G'way!" Bucky repeated.

"Come on Bucky, it's Sam. You know me. I'm not gonna hurt you. You know that right?" Sam whispered.

Bucky wiped his eyes and sniffled, looking up at Sam. He nodded slowly, finally calming down just the slightest bit. He knows Sam, a little bit. But Sam had never seen him like this before, he was going to think it was dumb, or  weak.

"Can I touch you?" Sam asked, his hand hovering over Bucky's shoulder.

Bucky shook his head and looked away. Sam did not press the issue any further and lowered his hand. He looked around for anything he might be able to use to help the other man. Then Sam saw a stuffed dog laying on the floor next to the sofa.

Sam picked it up, and the plush toy jingled just the slightest bit. There was a bell inside. When he inspected it closer he found that the ears and feet crinkled. It was a baby toy. Bucky had looked back at Sam when he heard the toy. He fought the instinct to reach out for the comfort item, and Sam noticed.

"Here you go, Bucky." Sam held out the toy.

Bucky looked up seeing the his stuffie in Sam's hands. He slowly reached out his hand and snatched the toy from the other man. He hugged it tightly to his chest and buried his face into the plush material.

Sam was almost certain he knew what was going on, Bucky was regressed. And from what he could tell, he had done it before, likely by himself. He couldn't allow that to go on. It wasn't safe for Bucky. If Bucky was okay with it, he would take care of the boy himself, but that wasn't entirely up to him. He needed Bucky to feel safe.

"Do you need anything else, Kiddo?" Sam asked.

Bucky looked up and nodded, "P-Paci..."

"Alright, can you tell me where it is?" Bucky didn't answer. Sam sighed, he knew Bucky wasn't completely comfortable with him, but he needed the boy to cooperate with him, "I can't get it for you if you don't tell me where it is."

Bucky whimpered. He didn't want to talk. Sam could see that now. If Bucky wasn't comfortable talking then Sam wouldn't force him to talk.

"Alright, can you point to where it is? Can you do that for me?" Sam asked.

Bucky nodded and pointed toward a small table next to the sofa. Sam opened the small drawer and sure enough, inside was a red pacifier. It was a little warn from what Sam could tell. Bucky certainly used it enough to warrant owning a few more. Sam would have to get some for him.

"Here you go." Sam smiled, handing the pacifier to Bucky, who put it directly into his mouth.

Bucky immediately buried his face into the toy again once he had his pacifier. Sam gave him some space, taking this opportunity to straighten out the kitchen again and most importantly clean up the broken plate off of the floor. He didn't want Bucky to get hurt. After checking in on Bucky one more time he did a quick sweep of the apartment, making sure that all of this had just been some accident and no one had broken in.

"Sam?" Bucky called out in a small voice.

Sam ran back over to Bucky, "What's up, Buck?" He asked.

Bucky looked up at him with big innocent eyes. He reached up for Sam, keeping his right arm wrapped tightly around his stuffie, and making exaggerated grabby hands with his left.

"Aww. I don't know if I'm strong enough to pick you up." Sam frowned, Bucky's eyes got teary once again, "Hey, now. Don't cry, how about we cuddle on the sofa instead? Then we can watch a movie together. Does that sound good?"

Bucky nodded. He waited for Sam to sit down before climbing on to the couch after him. Once they were both settled on the couch, Bucky snuggled against Sam's side, Sam turned on the TV. He wasn't surprised when he found that Bucky didn't have subscriptions with any steaming services, nor did he have any channels that would have something appropriate for him to watch in such a young headspace.

"Do you like Toy Story?" Sam asked, pulling out his phone and opening Disney+.

Bucky shrugged, "Dunno." He mumbled, and buried his head into Sam's shoulder, feeling a little embarrassed that he hadn't even seen the movie.

"We can watch together then. You're gonna love it Buckaroo." Sam smiled, tussling Bucky's hair, "I promise."