𝐀𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐱𝐢𝐚

CHAPTER 4: A DARK BRIGHT WORLD

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, a slight discomfort on my chest was making my image cringe a little bit. The recently removed patches were lying in the sink as I stared at the growing fur on my arm, after the several wounds I made on myself a long time ago.

I sighed and left the bathroom, leaving the patches in the sink, not even bothering in when I'd throw them away.

The snow outside was even whiter if that was possible, and the cold weather made Mint's cozy house look much more inviting. I went downstairs, where my family, Mint, and his mom were talking at the table. I sat down on my chair and stood there, quiet, waiting for them to finish.

His mom didn't know sign language, so they had to talk in an old-fashioned way while I struggled, trying to read their lips without success.

From what I was told, Mint had told her our situation, except for cancer, that was still a secret, and he made us all promise that we wouldn't tell her if we were really going to meet her. Mom agreed hesitantly, and I believe she wasn't 100% honest with that answer.

Mint poked me, drawing my attention.

"They're talking about politics," he signaled. "You're not losing a thing,"

But they were too cheered to be talking about politics. I knew he was trying to feel me better, and by that, I felt the weight in my chest grow bigger. I took a deep breath and pushed it away.

That's not a matter for today.

I kept forcefully eating the food, but it was as terrible as it ever was, but at least I was getting used to the taste. After a few minutes, I was finished, and I didn't see any reason left to be at the table, so I excused myself and went up to Mint's room.

I laid on his bed and looked up, struggling to breathe. It was weird to feel emotions physically, and I didn't even bother to search if it was normal or not, I didn't care about it until a while ago. Without my self-harming "relieving act", I felt a lot more than I usually did, but this lot wasn't in general, it was centered in only one guy.

And that guy entered the room at that exact moment.

I don't know if that was just me going crazy, but even without my hearing, I could sense when people were coming closer, and it was disturbing to know that I could even tell which one.

"Are you okay?" he asked after I looked at him.

"I'm fine," I said. "I mean, I'm not, but I'm not as bad as I was before,"

"Is it coming back?" he asked.

I simply nodded.

Mint didn't know what I was feeling, I was too scared to tell him. He only knew about a "strange angst" that had no reason to be there, and it had started almost a month ago, making it very hard to know the reason. I knew I should talk to my family, and I will. After the dinner, I'd go talk to the most experienced person that I knew.

"I promised I wouldn't lie to you again, and I'm not," I said. "I will talk to someone about it, someone that might understand it,"

"Can't that be me?"

"Not now," I answered. "I'll talk to you, I promise, but I'm not ready yet, I'm afraid,"

Fear. That was the thing I hated the most.

A few weeks after my change of perspective, I noticed how I was calmer than before. And the peaks of bad feelings were all centered in fear. I've been dealing with fear for so long that I didn't even know it was there. The fear of rejection, criticism, loss, and everything else you can fear.