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MISSING SOMEONE HURTS. It hurts even more when you know the person doesn't feel the same. And there's nothing you can do but let them go. But it isn't that simple. Life isn't simple.
It had been a while since the last time I though about him. But since yesterday, when I met my biological family he came back on my mind.
Maybe it was the fact that I'm scared that if I let them in, they would do the same as him and everyone else I loved.
They would leave me.
I was always a page in someone's life, but for me they were always a whole chapter. And if you expect nothing from someone you are never disappointed. The problem is that I always expected more then what were given. I always expected that someone would love me, so I got disappointed. I always wanted my knight in shining armor, but never got one.
When kids we learn that monsters are creatures that are typical large, ugly and frightening. But when growinp up we realize that the real monsters in the world are humans.
People are cruel.
There is no denying that there is good people in this world. But what's the ratio? One perchance, a hundred?
We have surrounded this world with filth. Not only physically but spiritually. Human character is tainted by lies, betrayal, deceit, backstabbing, immoral judgement and hate. All from us, toward us.
We forget that our actions have consequences and that our words most likely leave scars. We forget that feelings matter.
Our world and our souls are on fire. We are surrounded by darkness and misery. There are poisons in our veins that we don't even care.
We are destructive, invasive and delusional.
It's never easy to let someone in when everyone you once let in hurted you. Always be careful with who you trust, even the devil was once an angel.
I want to let my brothers in, it's not their fault our parents left me, but I can't. I want to be close to them. I want to be their sholder to cry when they feel sad, I want to laugh with them because of a silly joke or have movie nights. But like everyone, once I am attached, they will leave.
