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WARM YELLOW RAYS wafting through the window, dust modes floating suspended in the air. The light of dawn seeped into the room. I open my eyes and rub them trying to get the sleepiness out of me.
Memories of last night came running into my head, making me instantly regret my selfish decision. I was on a vulnerable moment and used Zeke, just like I used to do a few months ago, after all, old habits die hard.
I didn't need him the other times I had nightmares when I moved here, so why did I need him now? Maybe it was the comfort of knowing he was here and I could just sleep with him and ignore everything like I used to do. Using him as an escape from my feelings and fears.
I try to wiggle my body from his hold, which resulted in him tightening his grip on me. So, I tried again, this time using more strength but it was no avail.
"Zeke, let me go." I quietly say, my voice hoarse from just waking up. I rested my head on his shoulder as I realize he wouldn't let me go, my naked body touching his as I laid on his chest and his arms hugging my body.
There's a part of me that wants to feel something for Zeke, because then, it would mean that I moved on. But I also know that there's another part of me that is still in love with Blake. And unfortunately, the latest is stronger. Zeke is a great guy, I may have used him for sex, but we were friends and used to hang out together. He's fun, childish and loving, but he's also sexy, cocky and really attractive. He deserves so much, and I'm the only person holding him back from finding someone that can truly love him, with their entire being and not just with half of a heart.
I've loved too much, cried too much, cared too much that now I feel like there's nothing left for me to give in a romantic way for any partner.
"Zeke, we can't let what happened last night happen again. I know I started it, but we can't anymore." I tell him softly in the hopes he'll understand closing my eyes as my head rested on his warm chest.
