Amorist

Chapter 2

3 months later,

It was that time of the semester again. Midterm season had arrived, and with it came the pressure to perform well. I had always been a procrastinator, and this time was no different. Riley had already warned me about the dangers of cramming the night before exams, but I had ignored her advice. Now, as I tried to memorise the math formulas, I couldn't help but regret not taking her words more seriously.

As I studied, my mind kept wandering to Ryan. We hadn't spoken properly in weeks, and I missed our chats. It was difficult to focus on academics when my mind was preoccupied with the thoughts of Ryan and yet, I knew I had to try.

Thankfully, there were still good things in my life that I was grateful for. My high school experience was going fairly well. My class was not too bad, and I had some good friends by my side like Amber, and Raya wasn't so bad either. Amber was always there for me when I needed someone to talk to.

Even though Riley and I were not in the same class anymore, we still managed to stay as close as ever. We often met after school to discuss our day and catch up on our lives. She was my rock, and I knew I could always count on her.

But it's been really hard for me to come to terms with the fact that things have changed between me and Ryan. We used to be inseparable, and I never imagined that we would ever drift apart. But now it feels like we're strangers, and it hurts so much. I can't help but think about all the good times we had, and wonder what went wrong. I feel like a part of me is missing, and I don't know how to fill that void. I've tried to reach out to Ryan so many times, but it seems like he's just not interested in being friends anymore. It's like he's moved on, and I'm stuck here, trying to make sense of it all. I miss him so much, and I just wish things could go back to the way they were.

As I lay in bed, scrolling through my phone, my heart skipped a beat as I saw Ryan's name pop up on my screen. It had been days since I last heard from him, and I was both thrilled and frustrated at the same time. On one hand, I couldn't wait to see what he had to say. On the other hand, I knew that he had a hold on me that I couldn't shake.

I felt frustrated with myself for being so easily swayed by his sweet words and charming personality. I had been working so hard to prioritize my studies and stay focused on my goals, but it seemed like all of that hard work was for nothing. I was torn between my desire to respond and my determination to stick to my priorities.

The battle of emotions inside my head was like a raging storm. I felt weak and vulnerable as I mulled over what to do. I knew that this wasn't going to be an easy decision to make, but I also knew that I needed to take a deep breath, gather my thoughts, and stay true to myself.

So, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to focus on the bigger picture. I reminded myself of my goals and my dreams, and how much hard work I had put in to get where I was. I knew that I couldn't let Ryan's late-night message derail me from my path.

After what seemed like an endless wait, I finally mustered the energy to open my eyes and respond to Ryan's message. He had asked if I was asleep, and even though I was feeling exhausted, I replied with a simple but honest "no". 

I was torn between wanting him to reply and not wanting him to reply. The silence was deafening, and I found myself clutching my phone tightly, waiting for it to buzz with a notification. If he did reply, I knew I couldn't resist talking to him. His words had a way of pulling me in like a magnet attracting iron. But at the same time, I knew I needed to get at least three hours of sleep for tomorrow's exam. The stakes were high, and I couldn't afford to fail. As I lay there, staring at the ceiling, my mind raced with conflicting thoughts and emotions. Should I try to get some sleep, or should I give in to my desire to talk to him? It was like a battle raging inside me, and I didn't know which side would emerge victorious.

I rechecked my phone, hoping it would be the last time, to see if he had replied to my text. Unfortunately, he hadn't. I placed my phone on the side table and tried to sleep. But just as I was about to drift off, my phone rang loudly, startling me. I wondered who would call me at past 1 am. The name on the screen made me almost drop my phone on the floor.

The night was quiet, and I sat there, lost in my thoughts. I still couldn't help but think of Ryan at that moment. He had been ringing my phone for a while, but I just couldn't bring myself to answer. As I sat there, caught up in indecision, my phone rang again, and my heart raced. I was hesitant to pick up, but before I could make a decision, the call ended, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Moments later, my phone buzzed with a text from Ryan. He asked if I was already asleep. I knew he was aware that I usually stayed up late, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to him at that moment. I was still lost in my thoughts, trying to figure out my feelings towards him. After a few moments of deep contemplation, I decided to reply to his text. I mean, what was the harm in talking to a friend?

I texted back, saying that I was still awake. Ryan replied quickly, asking if I wanted to call. At that moment, my heart skipped a beat, and I couldn't help but smile. I was like a silly, lovesick person, with butterflies in my stomach. I was excited to talk to him, but at the same time, I was hesitant. 

The night was young, and I had all the time in the world to think. I decided to take a chance, and we talked for hours. We laughed, shared stories, and talked about everything and anything. It was one of those nights where time stood still, and I was lost in the moment. As we said our goodbyes, I knew that something had shifted between us. From that night on, we talked more frequently, and our conversations became deeper and more meaningful.

You may think that a certain incident was the turning point in my relationship with someone, but unfortunately, it wasn't. The only conversation we had was on our phones late at night while we were still at school, he barely even looked at me, it was like I didn't exist until it was midnight. On the other hand, Stella was all over Ryan. Since Stella and Riley were good friends, I had to see Stella a lot. All she could talk about was Ryan. "Ryan's so nice", "Ryan is so handsome", "Ryan is the funniest person on earth", "Ryan has the best fashion sense in our school." I mean, girl, come on. I'm in love with the dude, and even I know Ryan has the most basic fashion taste. All that dude wears is a plain polo t-shirt with sweatpants. It doesn't show that he has the "best" taste in fashion. He even talks to Riley all the time, but it's like he talks to everyone except me. Heck, I even saw him talking to Raya the other day.

This bothered me, but I didn't want to be dramatic or overreact. So, I went to talk to Amber, the sanest person in our school. As soon as I found her, Raya approached me and said, 'Hey Haley, I was hoping we could talk" despite how much I despised her, I still had a soft spot for her. She used to be one of my best friends, and I used to see her as my sister. However, her choosing Sarah over me obviously hurt me, and we eventually grew apart. Raya became snobbier every day, but I was curious about why she wanted to talk to me. It must be important considering Raya is never the one to start a conversation, her ego is way too high for that.

"Yeah sure why not" I replied

"I was hoping we could talk about us. I really miss you, Haley. No one can replace you. You are my other half, my ride or die, the Bonnie to my Clyde. No one can ever take your place in my life. I didn't mean to hurt you. I am really sorry," Raya said. I stood there stunned because I had never seen Raya apologize so sincerely before. Before it was too late, I replied, "It's okay, Raya. It wasn't all your fault. I also let my ego come between us, and I am sorry too." For the first time in my life, Raya hugged me, and it was shocking because Raya didn't do hugs, nor did I. Hugging was more of Riley's thing, whereas Raya and I hate physical touches.

As Raya hugged me, I could feel her sadness. It was like a heavy weight had been lifted off her shoulders, but the sadness still lingered. It was a sadness that I knew all too well, the kind that comes from feeling alone and isolated. I couldn't help but feel a wave of empathy wash over me, and I held her tightly.

It was strange to see Raya vulnerable and open like this. She was always so guarded, so distant, and now she was here, hugging me with tears in her eyes. I wondered what had happened to cause this sudden change in her.

But I didn't want to pry. I knew that if Raya wanted to talk about it, she would. For now, I just held her and let her know that I was there for her. And as we stood there, hugging, I felt a sense of sadness wash over me too. It was the sadness of lost time, of missed opportunities, of a friendship that could have been so much more.

But I pushed those thoughts aside. For now, I was just happy to have Raya back in my life, to have my ride or die friend by my side once again.