Amorist

chapter 5

everything just came rushing into me, every emotion I felt, every bad thing that has happened in my life everything just came into me all because a small vase just broke from my hand, yea it was my favourite but I know I'm not sobbing continuously in my bed because of a broken vase.

I didn't know what was happening to me these days school restarts within a week and I was far from prepared I was so not ready to go back to that hell hole I had nobody whom I could call a friend I mean Amber yes but she is closer to Lyla they are best friends it's like I'm just third wheeling them even tho I was the one who introduced Lyla to amber but you know it whatever and yea I have raya but I don't know Raya likes Riley even tho what Riley did to me was unforgivable

yes, THE Riley, the one who was my best friend well let's rewind, shall we?

a few months ago,

"RILEYYYYYYYYYYY" I screamed excited to see my best friend early in the morning, she always makes my day, but it looked like she hadn't noticed me yet nor did she hear me as soon as I went to approach her I saw Ryan approaching her I stood still in my tracks and I saw him hand over a bouquet and my heart shattered at that sight because this guy was the same guy who was in a call with me all night talking about everything and telling how I was I such an important person in his life and how he loved me for being there for him all the time and now he's handing over a bouquet to my best friend and to make it, even more, worse Riley smiled and took it from his hand and hugged him and I just couldnt you may call me dramatic for that but she used to say how he was so full of himself and he is such a piece of shit and how she would never like a guy like rayan and how she is only friends with him for my sake.

this was the same girl who just accepted a bouquet from the guy I was deeply in love with and I was just heartbroken so I went to the sick room saying I had a headache and it looked like I had a fever even though I was completely unaware of it so I was able to go home thankfully and all I did was sleep then Ryan called me at midnight again but this time my heart was too heavy to pick up his call there was too much going on in my head so I just stared at the phone until it stopped ringing but I was unable to sleep every muscle every bone in my body just wanted to call Ryan to hear his voice but I knew the moment he would say something I would breakdown thinking how he is so in love with Riley because I was so in denial these days these midnight calls were like an escape from the reality, the reality being is never the first choice.

As I revisited that memory, it felt like a part of me was dying. All I wanted to do was disappear and never come back. Though I still had Riley, my best friend, I couldn't let a guy come between us. But things weren't the same anymore, and I wished I could erase that painful memory from my mind. I missed the way things used to be between us.

After that incident, I avoided Ryan at all costs. Every time I saw him, it was like my heart was breaking into a million pieces all over again. I pretended like I didn't care when I was at school, but deep down, I was hurting. Haley Thatcher was the girl who had no problems, the one who always had a solution. But in reality, I was struggling to keep up the façade.

As the new school year approached, I didn't have the energy to pretend anymore. I felt like nobody knew the real me. I loved singing, dancing, and being active, but I didn't feel like I could be myself around anyone. Things at home weren't any better. My parents didn't understand me, and they constantly compared me to my sister, who was the perfect daughter in their eyes.

It was exhausting to always feel like a disappointment. I longed for acceptance and love. I wish my parents could see me for who I was and not just for my flaws. If I had a bad day at school, coming home was like walking into a warzone. It was hard to keep my cool when everything I did seemed to trigger my parents' anger issues. It was suffocating to feel like I couldn't be myself or express my emotions. I just wanted to be heard and understood.

Maybe I am being dramatic, but every time I try to open up to someone, they always end up saying things like "Some people have it worse. This isn't that big of a deal, Haley" or "You'll get through it, Haley." I stopped opening up to people because nobody understood me. Instead, I write. I write in my journal and notes app, create scenarios where things could have been different, and draw my emotions or the life I would have preferred.