A/N: Hello, readers! This is my Patrick Stump fanfiction! I'm really excited about it so far, and I hope you are too!
-Liesl
I used to be normal. Normal like any person living. I had friends, a beautiful family, control- You never realize how much you take these things for granted until you lose them. Life before meant nothing. It meant nothing more than a responsibility that we feebly cling to- unaware of the fate that could approach us and take everything. We breathe in, we breathe out, without the knowledge that that could be the last breath of a perfect life. It could happen to anyone- but it had to happen to me. It washed over me like a tidal wave, leaving me with little but a troubled conscience. The moral of the story, in this context is - you never realize what you have until it's gone. In my case, it was realizing that I wasn't grateful enough for what I had. I lived in a dark realm, trapped by the demons in my head, and the wishes to see my father. Now I'm just numb. Numbed by the feelings that have plagued me for so long.
-
This is gospel for the fallen ones, locked away in permenant slumber, assembling their philosophies, from pieces of broken memories-
rrrrrring!
My already brief jam-session grinded to a sharp halt as the relentless ring of the phone screamed throughout the room. Setting down my guitar, I scrambled towards my nightstand to answer it.
"Hello?" I answered cheerfully despite the rage that was beginning to develop, swallowing my anger momentarily.
"Hey, little sis!" It was Joe. Nobody else would have called at 10:30 at night. I rolled my eyes.
"Hey, Joe.... I thought I told you to stop calling me after eight o'clock?"
"Oops, sorry. I just wanted to tell you that we released our new album today! I thought you'd want to check it out." I rolled my eyes harder.
"Woah, so cool....." I jeered sarcastically. No, I'm not jealous that Joe is in a band. Or has his own recording contract. Or has sold over nine million albums.
"I can send you a free copy," he offered.
"Sure, why the hell not?" I groaned, padding into the kitchen for a late night bowl of cereal.
"Melanie-" His protest was interrupted by a couple of guys yelling in the background. Something about them pushing someone in the shower with their clothes on. I was guessing it was his band members.
"Well, I can see you're busy, see ya." I pressed end without thinking, a glare still etched on my face. I guess I didn't find it fair. Joe and I were both equally talented. And I was about to turn 25. I hadn't even made it to L.A. yet. I was still living in my mom's old house. Trapped with my own thoughts of denial, guilt, and fear. I suffered from serious anxiety. I could barely stand to go out in public, I couldn't be involved in social situations. This was generally the reason I was a recluse, hiding from both the bad and the good in the world.
I grudgingly finished my bowl of cereal and returned to my guitar in my bedroom. I lifted the heavy old thing in my arms, strummed a few chords, and then decided I didn't have it in me to play another song or even sing. My throat was incredibly sore anyway.
Off to bed, I suppose. I thought to myself. I slipped under my heavy covers, my eyelids beginning to droop despite the energy I had in my limbs. It remained that way for about an hour, but my brain begin to spin, leaving me awake for hours.
Deep down, I was beginning to regret what I had done with my life so far.
-
The next day was low key. As was every day this week. And the week before that. I could go on and on. My boss hadn't called me in to work for several days. So, like all other days, I spent the daylight pondering what in the hell I was doing, playing songs on my guitar and dragging myself around the house. I wanted to go to L.A., make a future for myself. So, what the hell was I still doing in Florida?
"Mom, I need your help..." I groaned later that night on the phone. "It seems like every time that Joe calls me or I'm reminded of him, it reminds me how much of a failure I am."
"Melanie, sweetie. You are not a slacker. You just haven't found the right opportunities yet."
"Well, when will I? It's been like this ever since Dad died... Ever since I graduated, really..."
"Okay. You know what? I have plane tickets to L.A. I've been saving for a trip... Why don't you go spend some time with your brother, and while you do so, you can find out more about the music business-"
"Mom.... That sounds amazing... But Joe-"
"Melanie, you need to spend more time with your brother. You two got along so well when you were kids! Honey, you have a future ahead of you. Go and get it! So, will you go?"
I thought about it for a minute. I pondered the pros, the cons. Spending god knows how long with my brother's band? I didn't feel comfortable with that. They were probably all perverts. But this seemed like my only opportunity.
"Yeah, yeah. I'll go." I could feel a smile creeping across my lips, my heart racing with excitement.
"Come by tomorrow, I'll give you the plane tickets." I hung up the phone and fell backwards onto the bed. Was I really doing this? Was I really gonna go to L.A.?
I couldn't actually believe I was going. I had to make the music business. I needed something good to happen in my life, after all, luck had been absent from my life ever since I moved out. I just hoped that Joe would make things easy for me.
I spent the rest of the night watching (guess what!) Fall Out Boy's music videos. Surprisingly I hadn't really listened to them much before. Their songs were awfully catchy, and I found myself humming along to them. I finally admitted to myself that they were great, extremely talented. But I still kept telling myself that I would never end up that way. God, stop being so negative. That was something I knew I needed to work on if I was actually going to make it. I needed confidence, I that was something I hoped to find in myself by the time I made it to Los Angeles.
At about 9:30, I got a call from Joe, though it was no surprise. As I answered, I must've forget to turn on my speaker, because Save Rock and Roll from Fall Out Boy's previous album was playing rather loudly, and he asked with much suprise, "Are you listening to my band?"
"Uhm-" I yanked the cord out of the socket quickly, "No..."
I heard a chuckle on the other line.
"Okay. Well, I heard from Mom that you're coming to visit?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Well you know where you stay when you're in L.A., Mel. I can give you the address. I hope you don't mind that the guys are gonna be there too?"
"Nah, it's cool. Well, I've gotta let you go... See you in a couple of days."
