The Two Kings - Zack x Hodgins one-shots

I could've done so much more

- Excuse me, dr. Sweets?

Lance turned around to see Jack standing in the entrance of his office, playing with the zipper of his jacket.

- Hello dr. Hodgins, can I help you somehow? - Lance asked politely, slightly intrigued.

- Could I talk to you about something?

- Of course, come in - Lance invited his guest to sit on the couch. He could see something has been bothering his colleague for some time now. Did he finally decide to ask for help?
- What do you want to talk about?

Hodgins took a deep breath and run his hand through his hair.
- A few days ago you suggested I take some time to analyze everything that's been going on lately, and I thought it might not be such a bad idea after all.

Sweets smiled relieved and sat on his chair right in front of Jack.
- Better late than never, dr. Hodgins. What's bothering you?

Jack laughed nervously.
- I don't know, everything? Zack, all the new interns, Angela...

- Let's start with Zack, shall we? - Lance suggested, trying to catch Hodgins' gaze, but he seemed to avoid eye contact at all costs.
- He was a good friend of yours, wasn't he? Do you feel sorry about what happened?

Hodgins clutched his fists.
- Sorry? No. I think I hate him.

Lance expected that kind of answer. He leaned in in his chair.
- Could you tell me what do you hate him for?

- For being such and idiot - Hodgins answered. Lance could hear anger in his voice, even though his face was completely still.
- For being such a selfless, naive dickhead. For only seeing pure logic, for believing this cannibal guy, for not being aware of the things he did. For being a genius, yet still not seeing the pile of shit he's gotten into!

Lance nodded, quietly observing. Jack finally looked him in the eyes. They showed anger, but also something else. Something like... guilt possibly?
- Please, continue - Lance asked.

- He didn't tell us anything! - Hodgins raised his voice. - We worked together, he was one of us! One word, and we would do everything we could to get him out of this. But he decided to handle this by himself, because he's mr. genius and nobody could do it better than him! I thought... I thought he would say something. He knew we would do anything to help him, and still... Selfless bastard.

Hodgins leaned back, looking away. Lance noticed how his entire body was tensed up, as if he was about to get up and walk out of the room. But his face remained emotionless.

- As far as he was aware, he wasn't doing anything wrong - Sweets said slowly, looking for any reaction from Jack.
- His "Master" probably ordered him not to tell anyone and threatened to hurt people he valued. Zack was trying to protect you.

- By killing a man and hiding his remains in the institute?! - Hodgins snapped, looking at Lance with disbelief. Lance noticed tears welling up in his eyes.

- Zack was doing what he was told, while deeply believing it was the right thing - Sweets explained calmly, even though his emotions weren't very different from Jack's. - He didn't mind the risk he was taking, but tried to keep you safe at all costs, even if it meant...

- ... blowing up his hands. - Hodgins finished, staring at Lance. He looked... lost.
Lance nodded. Although it wasn't very professional, he felt sorry for Hodgins. He seemed to be the closest with Zack, and losing him in such a terrible way could break anyone.

- And yet nobody noticed a single thing - said Jack with a bitter smile. - With all this going on, he just did what he has always done. He carried on as if everything was fine, and none of us suspected anything. Not me, not Brennan, not even you. It must've been tearing him apart, but he didn't let it show. I wonder if he learned that trick in Iraq, or did he do it from the very beginning, making sure no one saw what's going on in his head.

Lance nodded again. It bugged him as well. As a psychologist he should've seen some warning signs, something everyone else missed, that would indicate Zack was stressed or frightened. That something wasn't right.
- Zack was very dedicated to his mission, just as he was to any case he worked on. For him it was just something that has to be done, like catching a murderer. He knew us, therefore he knew what behavior would we find alarming. He is a genius after all.

Hodgins stayed silent. Didn't say anything, didn't move, just stared at Lance. His face no longer resembled a mask. He looked hurt. Hurt and betrayed, and completely lost. He looked as if all of a sudden he was left alone, and didn't know where to go or what to do. Abandoned.

- I feel like I should have seen it coming - he said finally, facing the floor. One single tear run down his cheek.
- I feel like I should've done something. Anything. Maybe... Maybe Zack tried to tell me something. Maybe he was giving me signs that I couldn't see. Or maybe he didn't, because he thought I didn't care about him - Hodgins voice was shaking. - But I did! I cared about him more than he could imagine. All the teasing and jokes, I... I wanted him to feel at home. Arguing over who's the King of the Lab, I knew it was him. It was always him. But I argued because... that's just what we did. I was so used to it, I couldn't imagine going a day without it. Maybe I crossed the line somehow, maybe he didn't see me as a friend. And I... - his voice broke.

- Go on, Jack - said Lance encouragingly. This man had bottled up his emotions for way too long.

- I hate myself for it - Hodgins blurted out, sobbing quietly. - I hate myself for not seeing that something was wrong. I thought Zack trusted me, but apparently he didn't trust me enough to ask for help. If I were closer to him, maybe he wouldn't be afraid. I feel like I failed him. I hate myself for not helping him, because if I did, maybe he wouldn't end up that way. I could have done so much more for him. I have this feeling in the back of my head, that keeps telling me that what happened to him is... My fault.

Hodgins hid his face in his hands, sobbing. Lance looked at him, not saying a single word. He was shocked by how hurt Jack was, and how long he kept all this to himself. He was trying so hard to stay strong and seem unbothered to the rest of the lab crew, probably beating himself up for not being able to actually get over the fact that Zack is no longer in the lab next to him.

Lance got up and walked up to Hodgins, sitting beside him.
- This is not your fault, dr. Hodgins - he said quietly, putting his hand on the man's shoulder. He could feel his body tremble.
- I understand you feel somehow responsible for what happened. This often takes place when something bad happens to someone close to us. But you have to realize, that there's nothing you could've done. And you are fully aware of that, aren't you?

- Y-you know - Jack stuttered, trying to control the sobbing. - If I could have him back, just for one day. If he could come into my office in his lab coat to show me something he noticed on some bone, like he always did, or announce that he was the King of the Lab with this little smile on his face... I would tell him so many things. How much I care about him, how I admire what he does, and how he'll always be the King. I would tell him that I miss him, and that I...

That's when Lance saw it. It was so obvious, he was really surprised he didn't notice it much earlier.

- You don't hate Zack, dr. Hodgins - he said slowly, astonished by his discovery.
- You love him.

Jack looked him in the eyes through the blur of tears.
- Yes, yes I do.

The action of this ff takes place somewhere at the beginning of the fourth season. I'm not the best at writing about emotions and feelings but hey, I think this one isn't that bad