Alive | Jasper Hale | Book 1

12. The Volturi

Later that evening, I had curled myself on the leather sofa in Jasper and Alice's room in attempt to take a nap. The amount of stress that piled onto my shoulders exhausted me to the point where all I wanted was to crash and forget about the Volturi. 

The letter didn't work, everyone was sure of it. Edward thought they read the letter and decided to come investigate to make sure their loose ends are tied. Translation: making sure I was still dead. 

I trembled as I imagined what their reactions would be when they learned I had been alive the past month. No doubt, they'd be angry. They would know how Lexi and Warren made a pact to protect me. My heart squeezed when I remembered the sacrifices they have made for my survival.

My fingers curled around the blanket, pulling it subconsciously towards my chest. 

If I died tomorrow, then their sacrifice would have been for nothing. It would have been a waste. 

A shaky sigh left my lips as I pressed the sheets to my chest, my fingers curling around them even tighter. I turned my face, burying it into the pillow I'd been using. Tears fell from my eyes, soaking into the pillow. 

"What has been weighing on your chest?" I heard Jasper at the door of his room. "I felt it all afternoon."

For a moment, I didn't move. Not until I felt the other side of the couch dip down. Flipping myself over, I sat up and curled my legs underneath me. I ran my fingers through my dark hair before speaking. 

"The Volturi are going to punish me when they find me alive." 

It wasn't a question, just a statement. I knew this. Jasper knew this. Everyone did. The question was how they were going to punish me. After all, this is my second time sticking my nose in things I shouldn't have. And, the first time punishing me didn't even work. I still lived. 

"Yes." His answer wasn't required, but he still gave one anyway.

After swallowing the lump in my throat, I gathered the courage to answer Jasper's first question. 

"I know that there's two different ways this can play out," I whispered quietly. "I can either be brutally murdered again or become a vampire. And frankly, I'm hoping for the first option."

I bit down on my bottom lip, squeezing my eyes shut waiting for his reaction. Anger, harsh words, sadness, shock... anything. I prepared myself for his reaction. However when I heard nothing, I opened my eyes and looked at him hesitantly. 

Jasper openly stared at me with wide, dark amber-colored eyes and his mouth hanging open. I flushed under his gaze and immediately hid my rosy cheeks with the curtain of my hair. 

"Why would you hope for that?" he asked quietly.

"Because," I said, "living forever as a seventeen year old that doesn't age seems like the worst kind of punishment. That would be one of the most horrific tortures there is... to go on living in a world that changes and progresses while you live as a cold statue. No, I would rather die at the hands of the Volturi."

As much as it tugged at my heart to say such harsh things so openly with Jasper, it was true. I wasn't going to lie about my hopes about tomorrow. Even with Lexi around—or any one of the Cullens—it would be torture to continue living like that: undead and cold. If I did, I was positive my soul would deteriorate into nothing if I were to become a vampire. 

"Even if Lexi or myself were with you for the rest of eternity?" he asked.

I sighed. "If turning me was their choice, how can you promise to be with me forever? You're going to change your mind at some point."