Happier Than Ever

prologue

We've always struggled.

Ever since I was young and my mom and dad blew all of our money on alcohol, gambling, and drugs.

I never went to preschool because in our area to go to a decent preschool and not get molested costed both arms and legs and an eye.

My parents insisted that "yOu DoN't NeEd It" or that "YoUr ToO dUmB aNyWaYs". Always with a slur or snort mixed in if not both.

I barely had any supplies when it came the time to shop for kindergarten and i was wearing the same clothes for a week straight before changing outfits because we had no money for a plethora of outfits  my mom would say.

i only wanted at least a couple different ones so my teacher wouldn't suspect anything and take me away

At age 7 they started getting physical with each other and myself. Me getting the shorter end of the stick and their tempers. I had to steal makeup so that I could cover  the large amounts of bruising and cuts.

At age 9 I started feeling super sad. So sad that I hurt myself to feel better. At this time both of my parents were bringing different men and women in and out of the house when the other wasn't home.

Obviously in the others eyes it was my   fault that I didn't tell them or try and stop it. So I got even more beatings. And no dinner.

At age 12 i was going through most of the same thing but without my father...he left my mother so that he could have a better life. Im not sure why he didn't or couldn't bring me.

She said he left because of me and that having me ruined their lives and that i was the biggest fuck up that existed. This caused guilt and more sadness which caused more self harm.

At age 13 I got my first period I told my mom but she said that she couldn't afford pads because she needed alcohol and heroine more than I needed anything.

So I started stealing from the nurses office when I got the chance. Other times I used heaps of toilet paper and wore multiple pairs of underwear.

At 15 I tried to take my own life. My mom found me and beat me merciless. She told me that if she has to struggle then I do too.

Now im 17 and this is how my life goes....

published: april 26th 2021 ♡

420 wrds