be my mistake. (emily prentiss)

iv

i was at home that night when my phone rang. i looked down to see it was jade, then hesitantly answered.

"hello?"

"i shouldn't have called." she said, "we shouldn't speak."

i could hear from her voice that she had been crying, which was completely justified. however, what was unclear was the reason she was calling.

"yeah, you're right." i reply softly.

"i just..." i hear her stop, like she's considering just biting her tongue and hanging up the phone, but then she continues, "i just have to ask you something. i just have to know."

"okay, anything."

i hear her take a deep breath before asking the dreaded question, "every time you were...uh...fucking me, did you wish i was her?"

i begin to answer, but she goes on.

"was imagining i was her the only thing that could get you off?"

"no, of course not!" i say defensively.

"come on, emily. you don't have to lie anymore, there's no point in it."

"it wasn't, jade!"

"i just wanna know!"

"okay fine!" i yell into the phone.

there's radio silence on the other end, so i keep going.

"i did wish you were her, but i didn't get off to imagining that."

i pause for a second, searching for the right words to say.

"i enjoyed having sex with you, jade. i just...i missed jennifer. you...you do turn me on, but she makes me weak."

i hear sniffles on the other end, then jade finally speaks, "fuck, that hurts even more."

"i'm sorry." i say pathetically into the phone, knowing it won't help anything.

i hear her laugh, which takes me off guard until i hear what she has to say.

"no, it's fine; completely fine. wanna know why? because you used me just like she used you."

i feel an anger rising from deep inside of me, "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"jennifer didn't love you; she cheated on her husband with you. you were her distraction just like i was yours. you didn't mean anything to her. you just-"

i hung up the phone before jade could destroy me any further, but i knew she was right. jade had been my mistake, and i had been jennifer's.