Epilogue
•••
"Whats that?" My grandmother asked, pointing her finger at my arm and I looked over to see the colored ink on it.
I purposely ignored her questioned and listened as she continued to babble her mouth about stuff I was paying no attention to.
"IF you hear a knock on the door open it for my amazon package," She reminded me for the fifth time.
Ever since I taught her how to order or buy things online, she's been going at it nonstop. Sometimes, she accidentally buys products she's unaware of.
I arrived here, not too long ago, and have settled down a little, even though my mind wasn't fully at ease.
Every time I turned the TV on, the channels were focused on my fathers death, and the others. There was a full blown investigation going on that I tried avoiding.
It's hard enough that I didn't get closure with him and the last time we spoke, I decided to cut him off completely. Seeing brutalized body on the screen didn't make things any better.
As of my phone, I turned it completely off so I wouldn't have to see any messages, calls, or notifications and it's been like this for the longest.
I was honestly just suffering with myself and felt completely miserable. Sometimes, the pain would go away, but it always seemed to come back.
"Chile, you gonna tell granny what this is or not?" She asked, lifting my sleeve up so she could see the ink a little more.
"It's a tattoo," I stammered, feeling my body steam up with sadness, followed by flustered cheeks. "We got matching tattoos....."
She gave me a sincere look, not saying anything because she understood where my emotions were coming from.
Jovan and I ended up getting matching tattoos, like I asked for. At first, I thought he wasn't taking me serious or figured I was joking, but we ended up going down to the shop.
Before, I wanted crowns but I decided we should get something more memorable and make decision together since I wanted this to be my one and only tattoo ever. We also got one of our sons name.
We ended up getting hearts, but had them broken and split in half. He has the right side and I had the left side. When they're connected together it's supposed to make a full heart.
My mouth turned up into a smile at the thought and how we chose that specifically because he likes to say i'm his other half.
"What am I doing here?" I mumbled with my words flowing off a little. "Granny, what the fuck am I doing here?"
"Chile.. I don't fucking know!" She got up from beside me to go tend to her seat. "I'm just giving you shelter."
I was just now coming to the realization that I probably fucked up. I just up and left without speaking to anyone.
I sat up, elbows on my knees and head on my hands just thinking about all my mistakes. I really ruined my relationship.
Just losing Kahari, going through what I went through with Monty, not getting any closure with my father, and realizing that i'm probably just as useless as I seem, really started to hit me.
I was going through something, I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew that it hurt and made my heart ache in pain.
Even after all of this, I knew we wouldn't work out. My mind wouldn't let me accept that now but I knew, eventually, that i'd have to.
My grandmother came back into the living room, placing her cup of tea on the table and she took her seat back beside me.
She stared me in my eyes and I tried my hardest to hold it all on, but I couldn't. My pupils dilated and wailed up as my body started doing light shakes.
