Sinner (Jpm X reader)

i wanna feel you

Alright, this might be hard bc i don't know shit about catholic church and priests.. fuck. Alright lets hope this is yk realistic (even if it isn't its a diff reality then this one so in this reality it makes sense ok)

!!!!masturbation!!!! Impulsive thoughts!!!! Suicide/self harm mention!!!!

Time:10:13
~ still alive.~ i think to myself, throwing my blanket on the opposite side of the bed. ~mm, rain.~ I slowly get off the bed, then grab a robe from the back of my door. "Morning, Chester." I smile, then walk out of my room, rubbing my eyes. I get to the kitchen, my mom sitting at the table, her arms crossed on the table and her face laying on them. I almost say morning, then quickly remembering to leave her alone when shes tired. I glance over at a sharp knife on the counter ~kill her. Put that bitch out of her misery.~ i quickly turn away from the knife ~ what the hell is wrong with me.~ "want me to make you breakfast?" I quietly ask mom.~ just.. don't talk to her. Kill her.... fuck! Stop saying that.~ "im not hungry." She replies in a tired tone.

~I just wanna kill her. Kill her.~ i place my hands on my forehead, frustratingly.  ~god dammit. I thought i solved this problem.... please go away again..~ i grab my hair, tightly ~fuck.~ i walk back into my room, hands still tightly grabbing my hair. I quietly close the door behind me "Chester, my horrible thoughts are coming back." Chester opens his eyes slowly looking up at me. I walk towards him letting go of my hair then getting on my knees.

Chester stands up then starts gently rubbing against me, putting a smile on my face. "Oh i love you too." ~what would i do without you.~ "hey, i mean.. what do you think would happen if i acted on those thoughts again?... Shit no. That would... just.. no." ~ I need help.~ I pick Chester up, his arms on my shoulder. "You're so warm.. and soft." I whisper to him.. although its not like he understood what i said. ~there, Chester is my help..~ i slowly set him back where he was ~idea.~ i then get up and walk back towards where my mom was. This time her face was visible, no longer shoved in her arms. "Mom, i think i might go .. out." I tell her, sitting down on a chair "and where would you be going? Hm?" She says in a concerned/angry tone almost like she thinks im going some where im not aloud to. "Probably church actually." She looks at me in a slightly surprised tone. "And why is that?" She asks "i just want someone to talk to. That's all." I quietly reply. "Well, its not like i can stop you. Go ahead." ~god i wanna fucking kil- no no no stop...~ "thank you." I reply getting off the chair. Church was really the only thing i could think off, its what i did last time i had these horrible thoughts.. although.. last time church wasn't very.. fun ..i mean.. it did work.. at least.

I walk back to my room, almost excited. ~what should i wear..~ i think to myself walking towards my closet, i sit there for a little while ~it really doesn't matter.~ i sigh then grab a red skirt, a white button up shirt, and black tights, slipping off the robe then putting on the clothes i picked out.

I walk over by the mirror, straightening out my skirt, then walk out of my room. ~im pretty sure its towards the beginning of town. Probably about half a mile away.~ i think while playing with my hair. I get out the front door, its cloudy, but no longer raining. ~actually warm out.~ I think to myself, walking down the sidewalk ~lets pray to nonexistent god this doesn't go like last time.~ i place my hands behind my back, and filp my hair ~stupid hair.~

I start to get into the middle of town, or , the main part. ~its kinda nice.~ i slightly smile, walking a little faster ~theres barely anyone. Hm.~

After around 7 more minutes of walking i reach the church ~woah. Bigger than i thought, and nicer.~ i stop in front of it for a bit, slightly smiling. I then decide to walk up the stairs, towards the doors. I open the doors and walk in ~holy shit, much bigger than i thought. Damn.~ "Oh, hello , i didn't notice you walk in. Anything you need?" I turn around to look at whoever said that. "Oh yeah, um.. well. I don't know if you do this but.. is there anyone i can just talk to? Once again i don't know if you do this. My old church did." She smiles "yes, we do hun. Follow me." I smile, then follow her. We walk up a fight of stairs, then towards a office room. "Go right in, hun." She quietly says, opening the door.