Gwen Doh Lynn

8: Up in Flames

In the morning, we had leftover pizza for breakfast. It was really good, but my stomach felt queasy. I was super nervous about what would happen at school with Elspeth and Natalia.

Before bed, I texted Ms. Ramirez, but she hadn't replied. Now my phone dinged. It wasn't helpful. What do YOU think? Is it worth apologizing?

I was NOT going to apologize to Elspeth!

Was I?

She was always horrible.

And she was never sorry.

But was I?

By the time we got to school, I had decided that yes, I would apologize to Elspeth. I could be the bigger person. It was the right thing to do.

I kept my head down and went straight to my desk. Natalia and Elspeth were talking to some other girls. To my surprise, they just turned their backs to me and didn't say anything snotty.

I spent the morning half paying attention to the math and reading lessons. Instead I was trying to figure out how I should do it. If I wrote her a note to say I was sorry, she might show it to all her friends. Or she might use it as evidence against me to prove I was guilty. And I didn't want to talk to her in front of all her friends, who might laugh at me or worse. Maybe I could get her alone somewhere. Nowhere in my imaginings, did she kindly accept my apology and say she would forgive me. I knew this was not going to be a "happily ever after" moment.

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 I set down my lunch bag at the base of the tree next to Hazel, where she was sitting with her tray. Elspeth was on the other side of the blacktop area with Natalia. It was just the two of them and there weren't a lot of other kids around yet. They were still in the lunch line.

It was now or never.

I sucked up all my courage. "I'm going in," I announced to Hazel. My palms were sweating and I felt a little sick. I was actually going to apologize to Elspeth!

"Good luck," Hazel said. "I fully support you."

I looped around the side by the fence, so they wouldn't see me coming. I was afraid I'd lose my nerve if they looked at me. They were bent down talking anyway and didn't see me. I could hear them as I got closer.

"My dad said we should feel sorry for them and try to be understanding because they have emotional problems," Elspeth was saying. "They used to put those kids in special programs, but nowadays they're trying to integrate them."

"Plus, she's new here, so that probably makes it worse," Natalia said.

I stopped dead in my tracks. They were talking about me?

"He said sometimes kids like that have fits or tantrums, and usually they have a really bad home life."

"Oh, that's sad!" Natalia exclaimed. "I'll try to be nicer to her." They were taking pity on me?

"I wouldn't go that far." Elspeth laughed. "Just try to ignore her. Anyway, look at this." She showed Natalia several pages in a notebook. "My dad helped me get all these notes about Full Moon Fields & Orchard for my essay. ThrillQuest Adventure Farm is in the bag!"

I could feel my face burning. How dare they talk about me like I was some freak and insult my mom by saying I had a bad home life. They didn't know ANYthing about me! I turned and stormed back to our tree.

"No?" Hazel asked. She was picking all the walnuts out of a brownie. The cafeteria wasn't serving jello this week and she had been very disappointed about it.

"I'm not doing it!" I said as I flopped down next to her. I glared at Elspeth. "They're talking crap about me."

Hazel sighed, but she didn't argue with me.

"She thinks she's so much better than everyone else," I ranted. "And she thinks she's going to win the essay contest and go to ThrillQuest. She doesn't deserve it!"

"Agreed, but—"

I felt the magic rising in my body. I don't know if Hazel saw it, or if she just felt it radiating off me, but she suddenly got quiet. It wasn't that fuzzy feeling in my chest, like the night before with the fireflies. My hands tingled and the back of my neck got hot.

To me, my magic looked like a ghostly stormcloud, gray with flecks of light in it. I had felt this before, in the music room, and now I knew for sure. I'd used magic to throw the tambourine.

This time, I didn't let it fade or fly away by itself. I closed my eyes and scrunched up my forehead and balled up the magic in front of me. Then I threw it at Elspeth—at her stupid notebook.

"Oh my god!" someone shrieked. I opened my eyes.

Across the blacktop, I could see Elspeth and Natalia jumping up. I could see her throw down her flaming notebook, while kids screamed. Her essay notes were going up in flames, and no one could possibly blame it on me.

"What the—?" Hazel cried.

In the following commotion, one of the recess monitors rushed over and put out the flames with a bottle of water. There was a lot of yelling and arm-waving. I couldn't hear what they were saying.

I had finally controlled my magic! I looked at Hazel to see her reaction. She was scowling at me.

I shrugged it off. What a breakthrough! Now that I was finally getting my powers under control, maybe I didn't have to play by their rules anymore. I didn't have to try to fit in.

Maybe I had a new normal.

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On the walk to my house after school, Hazel kicked a stone and said, "That was a really dangerous thing you did. Good thing she didn't get burned."

Okay, so I felt a little bad about starting a fire at school, but...

I turned to walk backwards in front of her. "You're missing the point. I controlled my magic!" I said. "On purpose. It didn't just happen by itself." I was feeling pretty pleased.

She just kept kicking rocks. "Somehow, that doesn't make me feel better about it."

What was she talking about? I wondered if Hazel was a little jealous now that my magic was getting stronger. I didn't want her to feel bad or be mad at me. "Listen," I said, "can we just forget about it? I won't do that sort of thing ever again."

"You promise?" She looked at me very seriously.

"Promise," I said.

But, honestly, I didn't know if that was a promise I could keep.