Gwen Doh Lynn

12: Apologies

When we got downstairs, I had stopped crying, but I was still sniffling and my eyes were red. Mom was in her studio, drawing on her tablet. She looked up when she heard me come in.

"What's wrong?" She put down her work and spun her chair to face me.

Cat spoke up. "I showed her a secret passage, and she found my old witch friend's grimoire, but it turned out to be blank and she's having trouble controlling her magic, and she thinks that weird girl Hazel is never going to talk to her again, etcetera, etcetera."

My mom made a surprised face. "Wow, he's meowing a lot today. Are you hungry, buddy?" she asked him.

I had to smile a little. "I am. Can we order pizza?"

"Sure," she said. "Extra olives and garlic?"

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We sat around on our shabby sofa, eating pizza from the open box on the coffee table. Mom ordered a side of anchovies in a little container and Cat was happily munching away.

My mom was scrolling, trying to find a comedy for us to watch. I didn't feel like laughing tonight though.

"Mom, do you worry that I'm crazy?"

"What? Of course not!" She laughed.

"No, I'm serious. Tell me the truth," I said. "I mean, I had those problems at school, and you sent me to a therapist..."

She set down her pizza and turned to me, running her hand through her hair. "Gwen," she said seriously. "I never for a moment have thought you were crazy. I sent you to a therapist because I was seeing a therapist after your father left. It helped me, so I thought it might help you."

My mom saw a therapist? My mom was the most normal person I knew.

"Well, I do like Ms. Rodriguez—Rachel, I mean," I admitted.

My mom leaned back and sighed. "Oh honey, I didn't mean for you to think there's something wrong with you! I wish you'd said something sooner."

I shrugged. "Yeah." Hazel had been right. About a lot of things.

"Anyway, everyone's weird in their own way. I was just worried about moving and you making new friends and liking your new school. I'm glad you and Hazel got to be such close friends so fast."

I started to get teary-eyed. "Well, we got in a fight so I'm not sure she wants to be friends with me anymore. I really screwed things up. Now I don't know what to do." And now I was crying again. Great.

"Well," my mom said slowly, "what would Rachel tell you?"

Good point. I remembered her last text. Is it worth apologizing?

The answer was 100% yes.

"Mom, I don't think I want to watch a movie tonight if that's okay. See, there's this history essay contest..."

My mom raised an eyebrow.

"Have you heard of a lady named Esmerelda May?"

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After showing off the secret passage and hidden tower half-room to my mom (who was amazed and very curious about how I'd found it in the first place), I spent the rest of the night writing my essay. Actually, re-writing my essay.

I magically heated up some hot water to make tea, magically lit some candles, turned on some quiet piano music, and plugged in my string of twinkling lights. They reminded me of the fireflies at Hazel's house and that made me a little sad.

I wasn't sure if my essay was what the judges were looking for, but I wasn't writing it to win the contest anymore. I had other reasons. (Though of course I wouldn't mind winning, too).

I was typing it up on my laptop when my mom came up and reminded me to go to bed. I felt good about having talked to my mom, even though of course I couldn't tell her everything.

Now all I had to do was apologize to Hazel tomorrow, show her what I wrote, and hope she would forgive me.

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Unfortunately, Hazel wasn't at school in the morning. I "lollygagged," as Mrs. Knowles calls it, by the lockers until the second bell rang, waiting for her. She never showed up. Her desk remained empty all morning.

During reading time, Mrs. Knowles said we needed to work with a partner—someone we didn't usually work with. Megan was pretty nice. I thought maybe I'd work with her, but she had already chosen someone else. What if I got stuck being the only kid left alone because no one wanted to work with me?

Then Natalia offered to be my partner.

Elspeth looked so surprised that she forgot to glare.

Right before lunch, I stood at my locker and texted Hazel, "R you okay? Worried bout u." Then I headed to lunch with my brown paper bag.

It had been too chilly to eat outside lately, so now we were all crammed in the cafeteria. I sat in my usual spot at the end of one long table. It was weird to not have Hazel across from me. "Hey," said Megan, walking past with her tray, "you should come down here and sit with me and Jessica since Hazel's not here today. I mean, if you want."

So I did. "You're so lucky you get to bring your lunch from home," Jessica said as I unpacked my apple and cheese sandwich and cinnamon roll.

Then I kind of spaced out for a while, listening to them talk about the mall and some video game and what movie they were going to go see on the weekend. Honestly, it was kind of boring. I mean, I like that kind of stuff, too, but Hazel and I usually talked about things her dad was researching at the Historical Society, or the books we were reading, or our favorite YouTuber, Vanilla Cat-Witch. We were pretty sure she was a real witch, too.

I checked my phone when we got back from recess. Hazel had texted back, only two words. "Bad headache."

The day went okay, but I was disappointed that I didn't get to apologize to Hazel, and it definitely didn't feel normal at school without her.