i can never fully put into words
the way i feel dirty
the mere thought of the filth that runs through my blood
intrudes the space in my head
sometimes
i want to pull my flesh inside out
like my mother does with the clothes before placing them in the laundry machine
i want to scrub clean every corner of my joints and muscles until it sparkles clean
i want to tear away starting from the bags of my eyes
until my arms cannot reach any further away
and then i will collect what i have teared away and pull again
starting from the skin that holds my chest in and my heart sound
and i want to sit perch on the edge of my careworn bed frame to sew any loose threads
if i could accomplish these impossible tasks
maybe
i would feel a little more together and a little cleaner
