This is the story of how our great crackhead/simp acquiring god JakeVA created the monstrosity that is the world the Jake cult calls home.
In the beginning, there was just some bored English guy with a nice voice who has a hashbrown addiction and makes too many sex jokes. Then one day, he got a microphone and started a YouTube channel, naming himself JakeVA.
Then he somehow made a fucking ocean out of his own bath water. That's gross. You're gross. Fuck you, Jake. How do you even make an ocean out of bath water? Fuck this. Fuck you.
And on the second day, he opened discord and somehow created the light and sky. What the fuck. What is this. Fuck you. Fuck this. I hate you. Goddammit Krus.
And on the third day, he turned his catfood into the fucking land. What the fuck. How do you make a whole ass continent out of catfood. I hate this. I hate you. Fuck you.
And on the fourth day, he created the simps. Goddammit Jake, you can satisfy your own damn ego, you don't need simps. Fuck this. Fuck you.
And on the fifth day he created plants. That's all. Fuck it.
The procrastinating asshole left everything else for day 6. What the fuck. Who put this idiot in charge of a cult. I hate everything.
Half of my sanity left my brain while I typed this. Fuck you.
YOU ARE READING
The Great JakeVA Bible
FanfictionGod fucking damn it the cult wanted this so I'm giving it to them Where we put our stupid biblical stories for our JakeVA religion because we're all simps who enjoy body pillows, maids, and crack. Sukie, what have you done?
