Ambrollins : Shape Of You

Chapter 57

Dean POV:

I go to the kitchen and stare at Seth across the room. It's hard to look him in the eyes, knowing my own are betraying everything that I have to take one glance at him to know what he's been feeling.

Pain, disappointment, and helplessness! And just the pure, utter frustration and heartbreak of wanting something so, so poor, but his body is just giving out on him. Letting himself down; Letting everyone down.

He finally flicks his eyes up from the floor to meet mine. They're like bottomless pools, warm and deep, and I feel like I can easily get lost in them, and maybe it will be so much better than my current reality.

"I'm sorry, babe." He says, wiping his tears away quickly. "I don't know you have this much hatred in me." His voice is cracking a little. He looks like he wants to cry, and I fucking hate it. It makes me want to just fucking break something.

"I'm okay," He says, nodding at me because he doesn't want him to look like that anymore.

I give him a sad smile, head tilting to the side, observing him before I walk closer, reaching out to take his hand gently, lacing our fingers together.

He stares down at our interlinking hands instead of at me, the warmth of my touch, the rough skin of my palm against his own, the only actual point of focus it feels like we have in a long time.

"It's okay if you're not," I promise him. And somehow, that's quite what he needs to hear.

He finally lets himself look at me for real, eyes unblinking, lips part slightly, as he swallows hard. He takes a few shallow breaths, eyes going wide, throat tightening. His head slowly falls forward after a few moments, his eyes squeezed tightly shut, covering his face with one hand. He lets out a cut-off gasp that's almost a sob. It feels like it has been trapped inside of him for days, maybe weeks.

And I just wordlessly wrap my good arm around him and hold him close, cradling his head against my chest and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. I murmur, only for him to hear, "It's okay. I got you."

We stay in place until I slowly forget where I am, forget about all the walls and armor I've built around myself and my heart over the past weeks, forget about having to be strong all the time to survive, forget about how angry I've been at him, forget about all the people I've let down over my entire life until I realize that maybe it's not okay right now, but it will be.

I take him to our room and make him lay on the bed, watching his face, which is still upset. I don't know how to bring that cute smile to his face. I stare at the ceiling for a few moments before picking up my phone from the nightstand and hitting it against my cheek.

I sigh and try to call him five times, but as soon as I get to his contact, I shut the phone off and drop it on my leg as if it is on fire. Never in my life, I've been in a position like this. And I'm hoping already never be there again.

I try working up the courage one more time as my fingers finally start looking for the contact in the phone once again and... Fucking shit. It is too late now. My phone starts dialing, and the call connects.

Quickly, I press the phone up to my ear and glance at him to know whether he snaps out of his thoughts. When he seems to look around, I pull the blanket over my head and wait for him to attend the call.

It peeps a couple of times before I can hear the noise of him picking up the phone and a lot of rustling and swishing before I hear a tired, "Ugh."

He finally seems to put the phone to his ear himself. "Hello?" His fucking voice is so rough, and I feel sorry for making him like this but pray to God that if I've ever died, his voice will be the last thing I get to hear. It is precisely adorable.

"Um," Well, how the hell do I start a conversation like this? "Hey, it's Dean. I'm sorry for what happened earlier. I just.." Still, I don't know what to say, but he waits for me to talk. "Listen, I'm very sorry for everything... I.. God, I honestly suck at this. Just would you mind letting me explain? We can.. go for the coffee if you're still interested."

He keeps silent for a little longer. "I guess so." He says finally, quiet and tired as if he is about to die at any second for hearing this.

"Okay, I won't hold you up any longer. We'll go out later this day. Sleep tight." I brush my thumb over my cheeks, staring through the hole of the blanket. "I love you, pup." The words slip out of my mouth automatically once I try to disconnect the call.

"Love you too, Dean." He mumbles and hangs up the phone. Without looking at him, I'm sure he is staring at me and hoping I will see him and confirm that it's true.

I pull the blanket down and look at him with guilt in my eyes. I didn't mean to do what I did; I don't want to cause a scene anymore. I love him. I certainly do because he is different. "I'm sorry, pup," I mumble, giving him a small smile.

I feel bad for hurting him, but I shake my head. I can't keep doing this. I know he keeps putting his professional life over me, but it's not the way to handle him. I don't expect him to give me all his attention and love, but I want to feel, at least, that he's with me.

He returns a slight smile and throws himself over me carefully, making sure not to hurt me. He loves me as much as I love him, but he doesn't know how to handle his lifestyle. If he knows well about it, there will be no problem between us.